Monday, December 1, 2008

I found a dark infernal place, I don't want to face anymore..

I was listening to a song this morning by a Christian band called "Demon Hunter".
They have an amazing song called "The Tide Began To Rise".

A really good line from the song:

So now I’m stuck here between the guilty and the insincere

When I first heard this song, I had no idea what it meant. Had no clue what that one line meant. Now, everything sense because it's exactly what I have been feeling.
We're always sinning. We hate it, but at the same time we're so darn attached to it.
Because we are attached to sin, we keep pulling ourselves away from God.
We know we're guilty, but when we've done it so many times, the deep apologetic feeling doesn't always seem to be there.

I have come to a conclusion, I am never going to get to the spiritual level I want to be at, if I don't try harder to take the sin out of my life.
Yes, it's hard.
But, it's a wake up call....
the only person we should strive to get closer to, and change for is Jesus.

Somehow I won't stop feeding the pain..
My hearts just the same as before..

In a state of sin, our soul is black.
The more we sin, the more easier it becomes to sin.
Ever get that feeling like there's an ache in your heart, and weights on your shoulders?
Ever noticed you have that feeling when you are in a state of sin?
You are being weighed down by sin. You're letting yourself drowning in it.
It hurts, yet we continue to feed it. If you're like me, you'll get frustrated.
You'll be sick of your heart being "just the same as before".

Some advice to help you:
  • Don't get stuck in the dark infernal place, where sinning becomes a huge habit.

  • Keep your Sanctifying Grace active.

  • Which means, avoid mortal sin, at all costs. That kills your Sanctifying Grace.

  • Go to confession often, and receive Commuion often.

I may edit this later.

Monday, November 24, 2008

I promise, you're beautiful.

This entry is going out to all the women out there, and all the men.

To put it bluntly-I am so sick of every one dealing with low self-esteem. "I'm ugly" "I'm fat"..etc. Shush! You are not. God created each and every person in the image and likeness of Him. Now, I'm probably going to sound like a hypocrite, because even I suffer from this.
Do you know what I do, though? I accept it. I decide to accept who I am. Will I change? No.
Is our body important? No, it's not. Our body is only temporary, and is on this earth until we die.
Our soul is immortal. Our soul lives on. You see, the media has destroyed the meaning of beauty. We have girls thinking they have to be a size zero, and look like a model.
We have guys thinking the same thing. Girls aren't the only one that suffer from self-esteem issues. Guys do too, they feel like they can't meet up to all these standards.
They feel like girls only like guys with six packs, and all that. We have been lied to, and we are told we have to look this way if we want to be "accepted" in this world. You know what?
Forget what everyone else thinks, you should only be accepting yourself. Never change for anyone. (Unless, for the better. Example: Stop smoking for someone.)

You don't have to be a size zero.
You don't have to have a nice chest...bigger doesn't mean better. Heck, bigger would just cause pain.
You don't have to have blonde hair.
You don't have to have blue eyes.

You don't have to have the perfect muscular body.
You can still be attractive even with "man boobs".

You just have to be you. Why? Because inner beauty is what being "beautiful" is all about.
Your appearence doesn't matter. Everyone has inner beauty, and no one will see that, unless you accept who you are as a person. Simply smiling at someone, could be a way to let that beauty shine out. I read this on a website, and I'll quote it because it's so true.

"The beauty looked at with eyes doesn't last forever. Instead of concentrating on outer beauty, we should concentrate on inner beauty. The point is that inner beauty is more important than outside beauty. So, if we make the effort to make our minds beautiful, we'll be happier."

Love yourself, for who you are.

Ask yourself this...

Would you rather be happy, and live life not caring what you look like?
Or would you rather be miserable, hating yourself, and always having to worry about every flaw

Wake up! We all have flaws! The person that's typing this darn thing right now has acne, and isn't exactly the skinniest. So, should I let my looks control my life? Or, should I simply accept who I am, and move on with life? Most people let their looks control their life, I prefer the latter. Accept who you are, and move on. There are more important things to worry about, and the outer looks certainly don't matter. Especially, since that we are not going to be here forever.

That's all I have to say for now.


Ps. I promise, you're beautiful.
It's your choice to believe that, or not.

God's happiness VS Satan's.

I actually wrote this back in May of 07. But, I still like it.

I've been contemplating about "happiness" a lot tonight. Especially after hearing a talk about "happiness" at the Catholic camporee I was at.
What brings you happiness? Is it Jesus, or is it other? (Other meaning "things" video games...etc.) For me, it's Jesus. The man that once walked this same earth that we do now. Yes, Jesus! Who suffered, died, and was buried., then rose again on the third day. He's the one who I can pray to, and He'll listen. He's the one who I'll cry to, and he'll say it'll be okay. After all he has done for us...shouldn't He be first in our lives? Not second, not third, first! I think He should be. If you truly want him to be number one in your lives, you want a true relationship with the Lord. It takes work, but it pays off. It's not like "I want to be happy. I guess I'll just say God you are number one." No, it doesn't work like that.Not only your body, but your soul, needs to be healthy. Your soul needs to be fulfilled! It will be weak, and you won't be able to fight the devil's temptations. You'll lose, and you'll step further away from Christ. And if you keep giving into the devil, you become weaker, not stronger. Your life will be messed up. But if you do things.. Like pray every day, read the bible, study your faith, go to church, your soul will feel stronger! And you'll be able to fight those battles! You may lose sometimes, but it's okay. We all do! No one is perfect. :) But if you do all those good things, you'll feel great. And let that greatness shine through you, so people question you......
You know what...I was just thinking...about those who don't believe in Christ.And was wondering how they get happiness...Come to find...they don't have happiness. Not true happiness, anyway.I believe there is something missing, but they don't realize it, nor feel that it's missing because they have "happiness" from something else.. I just read about this sort of stuff in "The Screwtape Letters" (a good book --it teaches how the devil works in his sly ways) basically, the devil will pretty much do anything to get your mind off Christ. If you're praying, the devil will remind you that you're hungry and that you should go make a sandwich. If you end up falling for little things like that, you'll mess up more, and end up feeling empty. It's because you are putting Christ on hold. That's not good!Let me quote something from "The Screwtape Letters""The attack has a much better chance of success when the man's whole inner world is drab and cold and empty." The devil will try to tell you that there are other ways to be happy. Suddenly it won't be Christ that makes you happy.It will be other things. I've known some non-believers. The names I shall not utter. But, one does drugs. She’s happy though. The other falls into lust, but he's happy. But they aren't strong. If they were, they probably wouldn’t be doing this kind of stuff. I think that's what’s different from God's happiness, and Satan's happiness.Satan's happiness makes you weak. God's makes you stronger.But Satan wants you to be weak! You fall into temptation easier.So basically, if you want to be strong, and want to fight the temptations of the devil..Work your way up, and become truly happy, and become strong. So that your soul has its armor, shield, and sword. You do want to fight the devil, don’t you? I do.

Feather In The Wind

Lately, I have been obsessed with this one song. It's actually a Christian song called "Feather in the wind". The first part in the song got me thinking. It goes like this: "I'm a feather in the wind, I'm up and then I'm down again". If this is so, then we all must be feathers. Not literally of course. =)What I'm saying is we live our life filled with up's and down's. Our Faith? It's no different! How often do we feel strong, and completely in awe of God's presence because we feel Him? It happens! And when it does, we feel empowered, and great. It's a wonderful high feeling. But, what happens when we hit a dry spot and can't feel God there, or even hear Him? It's like we as feathers decided to finally hit the ground. It's probably the worst feeling in the world. We feel abandoned, alone, and frustrated. Which, is completely stupid, it's like we forget that even though we can't hear God, He's still there. It's like we forget that maybe He's waiting for us to be quiet, so we can listen to Him. Or, maybe He's testing us. He may be testing us to see how well we can trust Him. Why is it so hard to trust God? It's because we fall into the same trap every time. Satan likes to get us by making us feel hopeless. Last time I checked, God was more powerful than Satan. Last time I checked, prayer was used as a weapon to defeat Satan. Do not give Satan the enjoyment of watching you suffer through the feeling of hopelessness. There is always Faith, and through Faith there is strength and hope. The bible says to trust in the Lord, it also says to pray without ceasing. Remember in scripture, how the Disciples were out at sea? They were afraid, and weren't putting their Faith and Trust in God. It's almost comical though, how God reacts. He's like "O ye of little Faith!"
In modern day language: "Dude! Relax! I have everything taken care of." Another thing, we complain that we can't hear God…hmm, I wonder why. Maybe it's because we have forgotten that silence is beautiful. If you're IMing someone/listening to music/ etc do you think God will answer someone that doesn't have full attention on Him? Possibly. But, maybe we can't hear Him with all of the distractions. Those are not the only distractions. Life, is pretty much our distraction. Life is causing us so much noise up in our head, and making us lose focus from God. We just have to know when to turn it off, and give it up to God. Give up our struggles, worries, whatever may be bothering us. And hey, I'm no Saint. I'm still working on this myself. But I have found silence to be the most amazing and beautiful thing there is. Personally, I prefer silence during prayer, confession, and Mass. Coming from the Byzantine rite, I am used to everything being more silent. I'm not used to having bands, and all that. In the Byzantine rite there's always one singer, and no instruments. Silence does something though, it touches you in such a way to the point where you are in awe of God. I recently had a chance to go to a Latin Mass, and you know that feeling you get when something just feels right? It felt like that. Except, that's not all I felt. I felt like I was being hypnotized. I couldn't take my eyes off the beauty that was in front of my eyes. I remember, there were 10 alter boys, they were ALL in sync with each other. They all knelt and stood up at the same time. It was like watching a marching band, except for God. The funny thing? I've been to a Latin Masses before, but It's like it get better every time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, silence puts me in the zone, it gives me a great high point.
How do you're know you're in the zone? You will know. When you're either smiling, or to the point of tears. When your eyes can't focus on anything else BUT Christ on the alter. And when it feels like it's just you and Christ, even in a church filled with 100 people. I'm daring you to enter more silence into your life. Too often we tune out God, and most of the time we probably don't even know it. So, why not change this? I know what you're thinking. "But Layna, what do I do when I'm at an event and there's loud music and stuff?" I have found other ways to "zone out". For example, if I attend Mass at a Jesus Jam, I'll focus on the alter/stare into the crucifix. And I meditate, until I can't hear a thing, except for what's important.
Meditating doesn't have to be a bunch of long prayers, it can be something simple like…"God, help me focus on You." and just say it repeatedly. Maybe that's easier for me because I have a very OCD mind. I get one phrase stuck in my head, and I'm repeating it in my head forever. But, the main thing, in the end you will have forgotten about everything else, and Christ will be the only thing left on your mind. I suppose that's all my thoughts for now.

Other than I find this really funny, I wrote about 2 ½ pages in my journal, and ignored 90% of whatever I wrote in my journal. And still wrote more than expected. When I write, I never stop. Alright, the song that I was talking about, you can listen to it here:

God bless...