My thoughts, my words.

Falling Into You

2011-09-30T11:17:00.007-04:00

In all honesty, I'm not sure where to begin with this post.
I haven't written a Faith-related post in such a long time.

Why? For the longest time, I've been dealing with a serious case of writer's block. But, I guess that's because I haven't addressed the serious issue behind it. My spirituality; my relationship with God. I've fallen short in this area. And without it, I fall apart in every which way. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually. When darkness rolls in, I can't think clearly, and I no longer can write. Deep within me, I believe God gifted me with the ability to write, and I've used it to my advantage to grow closer to Him. It's unfortunate, but I've allowed everything to fall apart. I've allowed life to get in the way once again. This is nobody's fault, but my own. I'm not going to lie. I miss the days when words flowed from the tips of my fingers and from my lips. When passion filled my soul. Though I've fallen astray, I'm still that person, deep within. I recall a day when I felt alive, when a whole different level of love was created, when I felt peace, and when I discovered myself as a person. I desire nothing more but to feel this once again.

Sometimes they say you have to hit rock bottom before things get better.
For some reason, this is how i've always been in dark periods. I have to hit my lowest point, before I can turn to the cross again. In all honesty, it has taken a song, and certain situation that I wanted to prevent..to wake me up.

The first part of the song goes like this:

"Don't wake me. I've fallen asleep. Don't hate me.
I have no relief. This burden is shredding my soul.
This cycle is out of control.
You call me as Your friend, as I drive these nails again.
I'm falling into You....."

This put my spiritual life into perspective. When we dont take time to be with Him, in the stillness and in the chaos, and when we sin, it breaks His heart. He so adrently desires to be adored. When we turn our backs on Him, we drive the nails into Him again. The result only ends up shredding our soul, leaving us vulnerable. As much as I hate to say it, it seems like it becomes a terrible cycle...to just push God aside. Once we do a little bit, it seems that Satan takes no time to slip through the cracks of our minds. He begins to feed lies, darkness, hopelessness, and you find yourself furthur than ever before. How he loves leading the Faithful astray.

Why does it have to be this way?
Darkness can end when we put an end to it. It doesn't have to stick around.
I seem to have warrior blood in me. I don't give up. And I will fight until I make something right.
I believe God has wanted me since I was young, to be a prayer warrior to defeat evil.
I must pray more. He thirsts for my love, and I thirst for His.

With that being said, I'm stepping out of the dark, and picking up my sword in this battle.
In my soul, I know that He is the source of light, truth, joy, peace, comfort, guidance, and all that I yearn for at this very moment. I wish to immerse myself in His ocean of love.
I want to fall in love all over again.
He's been patiently waiting for me to return, and now I want to come back to Him.
His love is all I want. It's all I need to sustain me.

If you happen to be reading this,
I kindly ask you to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I get my spiritual life back on track...as I know it won't be easy. It is a battle, after all.

Last, but not least, the song that I was talking about:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-ordLRGUJE

Mortuum mundo, vivum in Christo.

~Layna

Side note:

I received a comment on my last post from someone named Steve...

Steve said...

"It is funny how brighter and brighter people who stand up for what is right become.

I say this in regards to people who 30 years ago said that swearing and porn were bad were kind of run of the mill type of people, average.

But now if you go to your friends and tell them that porn and swearing are bad you are looked upon as strange and kind of weird.

The world has gotten so much dark in the last couple of generations that to stand up for what is right is almost as rare as seeing a shooting star.

But I love how people like you, dave, and patrick (those are the other people who commented on your post) are shedding light into the world and giving the devil a BEATIN!!!!!!!!!!"

This comment actually brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you....for reminding me why I love writing.
I do want to be a light in the world.
I do want to fight evil. Indeed, the world is full of darkness. This is why we need people to pick up their swords in this battle between and evil. We need people that aren't afraid to stand up for what's right, what's good, and what's pleasing to our Lord. Though it may not always seem this way, good always triumphs over evil...

"To live your Faith, is to be a bright meteor shooting across the night sky."

2011-05-23T14:26:00.003-04:00

Dear friends,

I apologize for not writing. I have been caught up in other things.
I've been dealing with some personal issues and some health issues. Basically, I was horribly sick for a week. I had horrible back pain that resulted in nausea. It was to the point where I thought I was dying. I'm okay now, though. Praise God! I also lost my job, so I've been looking for another one/trying to find out where God wants me. I just came back this morning from a scouting camp out, too.

This writing, was actually completely unplanned. But, it's based off something I realized after attending this camp out. It's odd. I have been involved with scouting/youth ministry leadership for quite a few years, and I've done so much preparation for each event I've ever taken part in. This weekend, I was working with cub scouts. And the program involved little preparation, but I think I took the most out of attending this camp out. Not by teaching. But by observing other kids that I didn't even teach.

I've gotten to know a lot of kids through scouting, but over the weekend, I was hanging out with 3 guys, and one guy in particular taught ME what it means to live the Faith. To live your Faith, is to be a bright meteor shooting across the night sky. Allow me to explain, Saturday evening, I was talking with the 3 guys. One guy was being rather "immoral" for a Catholic setting with his humor, one guy was kinda laughing at it all, and one guy was shaking his head at it all. The guy that was shaking his head told them to stop, and told them that they didn't need to be acting this way. Their "humor" didn't stop, but nor did he. Eventually, I think the guy that was laughing came around. I think he started to see that the other guy's humor wasn't okay. You may be wondering how this ties into my quote, though. "To live your Faith, is to be a bright meteor shooting across the night sky."

This day and age, we live in a dark world. A world that is very secular. A world that rejects the thought of God and religion. A world that doesn't care about what is holy and pure. We live in a world where abortion is okay, sex before marriage is okay, getting drunk and partying all night is okay. Darkness does not only involve"big" things. It can also involve smaller things like--immoral jokes, impure thoughts, and using bad language. There is a scripture verse in Romans that teaches us to be dead to sin, and alive in Christ. By living our Faith, rejecting what's wrong, and standing up for what's right we ARE alive in Christ. St. Catherine of Siena has a quote:

"If you are what you should be, you will set the world ablaze."

First off, the main thing we should "be" are good and holy people that are striving to enter the kingdom of Heaven. When someone stands up for what is true, and good, and wholesome....there's something attractive about it. To see someone set the world "ablaze" by standing up for what's right is beautiful, and it's almost enough to make me cry. It gives me proof that there's hope for humanity. So often, we get caught up in the darkness, so it's nice to see light. Christ is all knowing, all good, He is the way, the truth, and the life. And I suppose that's why it's beautiful. When I see someone stand up for what's right, I can see Christ in that person. And it reminds -me- to be a better person.

I have found that you can have hundreds of friends, be popular, and skilled in every aspect. But, if you're not "friends" with all of Heaven and don't care about right VS wrong, it doesn't matter. If you're the one who doesn't have many friends, but is strong in the Faith, and stands up for what's right, then you have ALL of Heaven on your side.
In reality, who is more alone?

The best advice I could ever give someone is this:

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” --Gandhi

Divine Providence In My Life

2011-04-04T18:50:00.011-04:00

My entry for AlwaysCatholic's "Divine Providence" contest. Won 2nd place! (Thank you!!!)

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If one were to walk up to me, and ask me: "What is Divine Providence?" I would say: "It is simply God acting in the world." I believe God acts in this world constantly, but so often we don't open our eyes. We don't look for it. There's a song that I like, and while it doesn't relate divine providence, the main line in the song is: "Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful." And it is, because God blesses us in so many ways. Divine providence is always there, we just have to look. There has been some extraordinary ways in which I believe God has worked in my life, and I do believe it's all been Divine Providence. I will be talking a little bit about that today. I'll take you back in time to what my life has been like. I'll give everyone a taste of who the real Layna is, on a more personal note.

I'll start around middle school and junior high. For me, I've always been home schooled, but during this period of time I was doing an online schooling program. It was through this online program I got wrapped up in the wrong crowd. And my Faith wasn't strong at this point. I was basically going through the motions of my Faith. I went to Mass, I went to confession, and that's about it. Occasionally I would pray, but never devoutly like one should. I had just moved from California to Ohio, and really didn't have any -true- friends. The youth group I had -tried- to get involved with, weren't very "accepting" of me. So, I felt like a complete outcast. I was going through a dark and lonely time. But, it was this that drove me to pray for good friends. I remember praying for months for good friends, until Summer of 06 rolled around.

I was about to start 9th grade, and I remember my dad picking up a church bulletin and it advertised something called: "The Fest" (basically a huge Catholic event with Mass, games, confession, live music, etc.) My dad said I should go, and I was hesitant, because it seemed so out of my element. (This is coming from someone that was into hard rock/dark music at the time.) But, I remember calling the youth minister because he was in charge of this program, and he said he'd love to have me.

For some reason, I was still hesitant to the point where I was basically set on not going at all. But, a force came over me. A force that said: "Go!" and I couldn't say no to it. So, I went, and there I met my friends, and other great people that have changed my life for the better.

Especially one person in particular. He's my best friend. And this person has taught me the true meaning of friendship. I have found that true friendship is not about sharing common interests, or hanging out all the time, that's only a small portion. It's about unity with each other through Christ. We are both discerning our vocation, and we have a special friendship because Christ is the center of it. We're constantly striving to uplift each other. Not always in an emotional sense, but in a spiritual sense. With Christ as the center of our friendship, we definitely see God working in each others lives, and it's a beautiful thing.

I also got involved with the youth ministry program, and later on became active in Catholic Scouting. Scouting is what broke the leadership in me out. And it was Catholic Scouting that "re-perked" my interest for the religious life, because there's a community of Sisters 10 minutes away from where I live, and that's where we used to have some of our meetings. I do believe this is the work of God, because if I didn't move here, meet my friends, get involved with scouting, then I never would have known to take discernment seriously.

From everything I've said, it may seem like my life had been blessed by God, and everything was perfect from there on. But, I've gone through hell to get to where I'm at now. My heart was very divided between good and evil. Especially during 2008 into 2009. I was struggling with a problem on the side, and still had people in my life from my old online school. I was being influenced in a bad way by them. So, it was common for me to go to scouting/youth group, come home, and then basically be a completely different person. There was some sort of "attachment" there.

I remember 2008-2009 like it all just happened yesterday. I remember even though I had finally found good friends, got more involved with the Church, feeling bound in chains by the situation I was in. I wanted to break free, I strived for goodness, I desired change! But it's like I couldn't do any of this. This situation completely distorted my mind, that I remember this darkness took over me at one point while in Church.

I remember running out of the church because I couldn't stand being there. Everything I looked at...the paintings...the statues....everything got twisted in my mind. Never have I felt so far from God in my life. It felt like I had infection in my brain, that had spread. And I hated myself for this. But, this was actually a turning point.

It was from that point on, that I truly prayed for a complete conversion. My friends didn't really know what was going on- I never spoke about it. But they knew I was struggling with something, so they advised me/prayed for me in the best way that they could, and that in itself was comforting. I knew I had their support. I remember praying and the words "Change my heart, Lord" is the main thing I said. Over and over.

In tears, I begged, I pleaded, and it wasn't until September of 09, that I had a complete conversion. September of 09, I went to the Eucharistic Congress in DC. When I went, I wasn't really sure what to expect. But, I went, and there I met so many religious orders. I listened to great talks. I was surrounded by so many Catholic people,including my own good friends from youth group. I remember going to Mass one day, and hearing beautiful music. As I heard the beautiful singing, I was gazing upon this painting of Jesus in the National Shrine of the Basilica. I just started crying.I felt such abundance of love and mercy fill my soul, that with my entire soul, I just said: "I want to live for you, Jesus."

EDITOR'S NOTE; I started this blog before my conversion. Went through a "no writing" period of time, and it was my conversion that "sparked" the creativity in me. Check out my old posts, if you want. before conversion post and then after conversion post

I've realized that this is how God works. Sometimes He lets us fall flat on our faces, in hopes that we cry out to Him, crawl back to Him, and beg Him to have mercy on us. I believe when we beg for God's assistance, and don't hear from Him, He is testing us. That in itself, is God acting through us. He's testing to see how committed we are to Him, and how trusting we are of Him.

He is begging that we cry out to Him. Crawl back to Him. Beg Him to have mercy on us, not just with our mouth but our entire being. My job, while it may be tough, and reflect darkness, I look at it as Divine Inspiration for what’s to come, simply because it has made me strive for more in my life. I only see this as preparation for what God has in store for me. Divine providence in my life, has always taken place in times where I've suffered.

I suppose that's why I enjoy talking about suffering so often- because I've been there. All I can say that it's divine providence that I've been given everything to crawl out of the ditches, and climb over the hills. God has given me the right friends. And now I can start anew. There isn’t a day that goes by, where I don’t thank God for all that He has done in my life....

A leader must think before they act, and think before they speak.

2011-03-08T11:21:00.007-05:00

Hello everyone.
I apologize once again for not updating my blog on a regular basis. It's hard working 31 hours a week, and coming home each day completely drained. Usually I just want to sleep when I come home. But, now that Lent is here, I suppose I should make more of an effort to write.

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Today I will be speaking of something that I feel strongly about. Especially, after getting a job and seeing the world more.

St. Alphonsus De Liguori and life experience has made me realize that our actions and our words have the ability to heal or do harm.
So often we speak before we think, and act without thinking. Especially in the heat of things.

We have the capability to wound ourselves and others with words.

Have you ever said something, or heard something, and you just can't get it out of your head? That's because our words can act as acid. They can burn right through our soul, and through our mind.

It's funny, because I bet nearly everyone reading does the same thing that I do which involves: Sitting at home, typing away, and watching letters appear on.
the screen. Suddenly, you backspace. You change your mind of what you want to say. You think to yourself: "Well, I could phrase this better". There's some part in us that knows how important words are. Yet, sometimes we forget and allow our mouths to speak immorally. Whether it's out of hatred, or out of sexuality. Maybe we can swear at someone during a fight. Or maybe we can say impure jokes. Our surroundings have an influence on us, and it's not always easy to hold our tongue. I've had people mistreat me at work, and I'm sure some of you have experienced this, as well. It's tempting to want to fuel the fire, but it's not the solution. Jesus' passion teaches us the best way to respond to situations. In silence.

I'll use an example: I remember when I used to go to our local YMCA, and when I was there one day running around the track, there was a group of 3 or 4 girls. And one of them came running out and "puked" on the track. (It was just water). They ran away laughing so I followed them out and they came up to me...laughing in my face. But, I didn't say anything. I remember stepping in the elevator, and just smiling as they were laughing. I saw an expression of confusion that began to form on their faces. I could sense they were expecting some sort of reaction from me, and they were boggled that they didn't see that.

God has given us a mouth to give praise to Him. To speak of Holiness, so that we may set the world ablaze. This doesn't mean that we need to constantly be on our knees praising Him and evangelizing. Obviously we have a life. God knows we work, are busy with children, etc. But we must constantly strive to have a certain "light" that shines when we speak and act. As Catholics, we are supposed to be leaders. We are supposed to seperate ourselves from the world. St. Paul tells us to be dead to the world (sin) and alive in Christ-- (Mortum mundo, Vivum in Christo)
To be dead to sin, and alive in Christ, we must think. We must constantly ask ourselves: "Is this Holy and pleasing to God?"

You want to strive to be alive in Christ, so that when you speak and act, you reflect Him.
Instead of going to work, complaining, fighting with people, getting involved with drama, making immoral jokes, be the one that smiles. Be the one that brings light to other workers. Be the one that offers up their work. I've seen how far a smile can go at work. There's a regular customer that comes into work to eat, and when I first started seeing him, he was very pessimistic every time I would ask him how he was doing. But, I never stopped smiling at him and asked him how he was doing. Now I always hear him say: "I'm doing pretty good! How are you doing?" And sometimes we'll even get into a conversation. This is why I say our actions and words have the ability to heal or do harm.

We are in a time of darkness. There are so many people that are wounded spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Because when people are wounded spiritually, it doesn't just affect their soul. It affects their entire being. If one is in the state of mortal sin, one is in such darkness and can't think clearly. With our actions and words, we should not contribute to the darkness of the world, but instead, we should be a light.

Always strive to reflect Christ

Come, Holy Spirit
Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful
and enkindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they
shall be created and you shall renew the face of the earth. O God, who has
instructed the hearts of your faithful by the light of the Holy Spirit, grant
that by the same Holy Spirit we may have a right judgment in all things and
evermore rejoice in his consolations. Through Christ Our Lord,
Amen

A personal experience

2010-12-27T13:54:00.004-05:00

I wanted to share a personal experience that happened to me back in 2007.

Back then, I was going through a dark time in my life. And I remember one day I was really feeling hopeless. I remember sitting at my desk in my room, and I was on the computer.

I was just sitting there feeling so lonely, and I think I honestly believed that God had abandoned me. It was 8:00ish, and the sun was going down, and then I had this strong urge to look out the window.

I got out of my chair, and I looked outside. And I saw this:
I saw a hand holding a cross. (There was no camera effect/photo editing to this picture)

If you look closely, you can see fingers.

Incase you are are unable to see it....

It was an amazing experience, and definitely will never forget it.

Music for the Soul- Part 2

2010-12-27T13:28:00.002-05:00

In one of my last posts, I spoke of my personal views on Gregorian Chant. This one, will speak of the history.

Despite what people may think, Gregorian Chant did not start with Pope Gregory. I believe it started around the time of the apostles.

Christ and the apostles at the first celebration of the Most Holy Sacrament concluded therewith: “and a hymn being said, they went out unto mount Olivet.” Matthew 26:30.

It wasn't until after 100 AD Gregorian Chant really "took off".

Around 100 AD, St. Ignatius of Antioch had a vision.
It involved him seeing angels singing praise to the Trinity in alternating hymns. Three centuries later, the antiphon was formalized by St. Ambrose, who was the Bishop of Milan in 374 AD.

He was "instrumental in establishing the early theory of plainchant and took the first four authentic modes of chant. The faithful during their persecution by the Romans took comfort in the catacombs, through hopeful hymns like Te Deum sung in the antiphony style St. Ambrose taught."

You are probably wondering how St. Gregory the Great ties into Gregorian Chant.

"Pope Gregory is heavily associated with the history of plainchant, and he lends his name to a particular style of plainchant, Gregorian chanting. Gregory did not actually develop this plainchant style, but he codified it, standardizing it across the Christian world and establishing a system of musical notation which could be used to record plainchant melodies. Even as Gregorian chanting arose, however, other styles continued to be used, although Gregorian chanting is the official chant of the Roman Catholic Church."

"Gregory took part in many things. Writing, collecting, or organizing of the body
of plainchant in use at the time, as well founding the first singing school (Schola Cantorum) in Rome to train singers for the church, organizing the church's annual cycle of liturgical readings, and first establishing the church's authority over the secular rulers of Rome"

Gregory became the first monk to ascend the Papacy. It was him, that regulated worship and liturgy, appointed songs and hymns. With his great passion for music, he insisted that chant was played as background music for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. His hope was to assist others in their Catholic Faith..to help them show reverence to God. As pope, he published "The Antiphonary" as the main core of Catholic authority on Chant. He was also the author of "Te Lucis" and "Rex Christe".

Back then, Gregorian Chant wasn't copied into books. Unfortunately, they used to have to memorize all the songs which took monks forever. Finally, they worked out a way to write music down. Once they figured that out, various words and notes were copied into one great large book, which was used by all the choir monks to sing from.

After many centuries plainchant became very complex, and many different forms of chant were born. It wasn't until the 19th century, that the monks (like Gregory the great) began seeking a single alternative method, which would reflect the early methods of how chant was sung.

"There's a famous monastery in France at Solesmes, and its monks became responsible for the restoration of Gregorian Chant as you hear it today - on CDs
and radio. They worked out a very artistic method of singing it and a new method of writing it down. They then produced books which contained the fruits of their scholarship. Their theories were adopted by monasteries throughout the world. "

So, this is why I enjoy Gregorian Chant. I find a lot of history behind it.
I think it's sad that it's not used in Mass anymore, really. (Unless you attend a Latin Mass).

For a while now, I have had this urdge to become an activist within the Church. Someone that pushes tradition. I call everyone to this. Just pray. Talk with your priest about your ideas.

My idea is getting Gregorian Chant back.

Things will never change if we just stand by and watch.

We have to put our foot down and say: "Hey, you know what? I think you guys should get a Gregorian Chant choir for Mass." Defend your case of why you feel the way you do.

And now for one of my favorite chant songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIO7VyeXqxw

Christ is the Lord!

2010-12-27T13:01:00.002-05:00

I'm late, but...
Merry Christmas, everyone!
I know it's been forever since I have written, and I apologize. This year has been crazy, especially the last few months with prepping for the Holidays/birthdays. I got a job last month at at a local restaurant, and so that has kept me busy. I am thankful for this job, because it is difficult.

I try to strive to live by the motto: "Ora Et Labora". (Pray and work).

I may be bussing tables, and I might be tired, but I'll put that feeling aside, and I'll offer it up. I'll pray 3 hail mary's constantly throughout the day, asking Mary for graces if I'm ever feeling frustrated. I've found work to be a very spiritual experiece...that is...if you MAKE it one. Our Faith involves work, itself. :)

Anyway, I wanted to talk about Christmas.

I woke up Christmas morning, and the first thing I wanted to do was listen to my favorite Christmas song: "O Holy Night". I came across a beautiful version on Youtube that everyone should listen to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYyhLkQV6no&feature=related

As I was listening to it, I seemed to enter a world of pure bliss. One of the lines hit me:

"With all our hearts we praise His holy name..."

What does this mean to everyone? It literally means to praise God with all our heart.
But, I found this to be bittersweet. I began contemplating of those who don't "praise" Him. At least, not with their heart. How many people go to Mass, because they are supposed to? We should go to Mass because we want to. To praise God is to honor Him, pray to Him, thank Him, love Him and adore Him unceasingly. When we leave Mass, the words: "Go, and serve the Lord" don't seem to be taken seriously by many people. If you want to praise God, with all your heart, then you would strive to do this. One of our problems is we say we love God too often, but at the same time we're too choosy. "I love you, God" is easy to say when we're at a retreat, when all is right in the world, when we're at Mass. But aren't we supposed to love and sing praise to God even when all is wrong? Aren't we supposed to trust in Him? Christ's birth teaches one thing: That HE is the light of the world. He is the way, the truth, and the life. He brings renewal.

When we are lost, He is the way.
When we are faced with Satan's lies, He is the truth.
When are souls are yearning for something more, He is the life.
And He makes all things new.

He is everything. This why we should praise Him forevermore. Not just on Sundays. Not just on days where things are going great. But everyday, because CHRIST IS THE LORD.
God made the sacrifice by sending down His only begotton son to die on the cross for us.

This is what true love is. True love is sacrifice. As Faithful Christians, we will be faced with suffering and many strugles. But, we are faced with a choice of how to take these hardships.
Will we walk with Christ in them? Or will we cease to praise Him?

One sad thing about Christmas is that people get caught up in baking, buying presents, decorating etc. And while all of that is fine, we have to remember that advent is like the second Lent. It is a time we should really focus on Christ. We should be meditating on His coming.

This, in itself, should grant us peace. If you asked Jesus what He wanted for Christmas, I have no doubt in my mind that He would say: "You."

St. Paul tells us to be dead to sin, and to be alive in Christ. In order to do this we simply must become prayer warriors. Our souls must rest in Him.
Christmas is a time of rebirth, and I truly do believe that if our souls rest in Christ our Savior..we will experience some sort of "rebirth". It will be Christ living within us.

This can't happen though, if we don't praise Him. Like I said before, Faith is work.We must make an effort to attend Mass, take part in the sacraments frequently, go to adoration, and take time for meditation (scripture reading, maybe).

So, this Christmas season, think of how you can please God. Give Him the gift of self.
What can you do to praise Him? Can you pray more? Attend Mass more?
Give Him time. If you start off with 10 minutes of prayer a day, I have doubt in my mind that this will eventually increase. It becomes a beautiful habit. And with this habit, we really are giving ourselves to Christ, because we are offering our time to Him. That's all He wants.....

Father,
we are filled with the new light by the coming of your Word among us.
May the light of Faith shine in our words and actions. Grant this through
our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy
Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.
Amen.

Music for the soul part 1.

2010-09-21T15:14:00.006-04:00

Dear friends,
It's great to be back. I felt the need to take a break from writing. I've been overwhelmed with things in my personal life, and I needed to just take a step back and take care of things. Anyway, I will be catching up on things.. (hopefully).
I have things planned. I want to do a 3 part series.

1. My personal view on gregorian chant.
2. The history of gregorian chant.
3. The Latin Mass.
This post will be about my person thoughts and feelings on gregorian chant, so I hope you enjoy it.

"These qualities [sacredness, beauty, universality] are to be found, in the highest degree, in Gregorian Chant, which is, consequently, the Chant proper to the Roman Church, the only chant she has inherited from the ancient fathers, which she has jealously guarded for centuries in her liturgical codices, which she directly proposes to the faithful as her own, which she prescribes exclusively for some parts of the liturgy, and which the most recent studies have so happily restored to their integrity and purity

On these grounds Gregorian Chant has always been regarded as the supreme model for sacred music, so that it is fully legitimate to lay down the following rule: the more closely a composition for church approaches in its movement, inspiration and savor the Gregorian form, the more sacred and liturgical it becomes; and the more out of harmony it is with that supreme model, the less worthy it is of the
temple.

The ancient traditional Gregorian Chant must, therefore, in a large measure be restored to the functions of public worship, and the fact must be accepted by all that an ecclesiastical function loses none of its solemnity when accompanied by this music alone. Special efforts are to be made to restore the use of the Gregorian Chant by the people, so that the faithful may again take a more active part in the ecclesiastical offices, as was the case in ancient times."
--St Pius X, Tra le sollecitudini paragraph 3

By now you should know that I am in love with Gregorian Chant. I love Gregorian Chant more than the food I eat, or the air I breathe. But, you're probably wondering: "why?"

Because, it's like how I titled this blog post. It's music for the soul. Chant goes beyond the human mind, where as regular music, our minds would respond to it and say: "hey, this sounds good." We may not understand Latin, but there is something about it that draws us in. And when I say "us", I don't just mean Catholics.

I watch many gregorian chant videos on youtube, and I always read comments like:"I'm not a strong religious man but when I hear monks sing like this I always feel the divine presence with me." or "I'm an atheist, but I love this." or "I love plainsongs. Forget rap!" These people, who have no Faith, or are simply not Catholic, know that there's something sacred and divine about Gregorian Chant.

I find it unfortunate, because chant is not easily accessed now. If protestants/atheists can see something divine in this music, then why aren't we (the Church) responding to the needs of the people? Many have left the Church because of what happened to the Mass after Vatican II.
If you ask me, if we restore tradition, it will lead people back home.

When I listen to it, I know the history behind it (I'll get into this in my next post). I feel closer to Heaven, when I listen to it. If you didn't know already, quite a few Saints have written hymns. For example, St. Thomas Aquinas wrote "Pange Lingua" and "Sacris Solemniis", which happens to be two of my favorite hymns. And I can't help but wonder what they were thinking and feeling while writing these hymns. Their words leave me in awe.

Why do we feel something, when most of the time we don't even know what's being said?

Because, Gregorian chant is a form of expression, and meditation. It's the music of Saints, it reflects Heaven, and it's the Word of God. It truly becomes an emotional thing, especially for monks and nuns. They literally chant their hearts out. One can rejoice in God's name, or meditate upon Christ's passion while chanting certain psalms or The Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

And even if you do not understand the meaning of the words, for the time being
teach your mouth to say them, for the tongue is sanctified by the words alone
whenever it says them with good will.—St. John Chrysostom, On Psalm
41:2

And let me tell you something. For Lent, I gave up all music, except gregorian chant for 40 days. It was hard in the beginning, but by doing so, it helped me grow in my Faith.
I'm not saying you should go to the extreme like I did, but if you introduce yourself to gregorian chant! You won't WANT to listen to anything else. Gregorian chant allows your mind to be fixated upon God, which brings peace.
Try it.

Thoughts during adoration.

2010-08-06T13:22:00.004-04:00

For a while now, I have been slacking off on my writing. I have also been slacking off on my prayer life. It's not that I'm angry, it's just that I don't know what to say. It's like I can't pray.
I'm not exactly sure why. For a while now, I feel like there's been some sort of wall between me and prayer. I've had to knock down the wall, and force myself to pray, because I know it's the right thing to do.

So, yes...basically I have been struggling with my prayer life. Due to this, sorrow has grown within me. . It's hard to trust God when you are amongst great trials. Lately, I have been constantly having to remind myself that His plan is better than my own. That He loves me, even if I can't feel it. That He's there, even if I can't see Him. The hardships that I've been faced with, isn't what caused my heart to break, It's the fact that I feel like I've abandoned God against my will. I never wanted to drift away from my prayer life. I've been wanting holiness back. But, it's like I'm trying to re-trace my steps to see what exactly went wrong in my spiritual life...and I just can't find an exact reason. I think it's something that happened over time. I don't like it though. I've been wanting my prayer life back. I've been wanting to feel His love

I went to adoration on Wednesday, and asked Mary to give me the graces I need to guide me closer to her Son.

I've been reading a book by St. Alphonsus De Liguori, called "The True Spouse of Jesus Christ".

I brought that book with me to adoration, and I heard in my heart "Page 52". On that page, I read something very profound. This book is mainly about the religious life, but this one part is something we should all strive to live by. It said:

"Let it be your care to unite yourself closely to God; to embrace with peace all
the crosses that He sends you; to love what is most perfect; and when necessary, to do violence to yourself. And that you may be able to accomplish all this, pray continually; pray in your meditations, in your Communions, in your visits to the Blessed Sacrament, and especially when you are tempted by the devil; and you will obtain a place in the number of those fervent souls who are more happy and content than all the princesses and queens and empresses of the earth."

This means exactly what the first line said. "Let it be your care to unite yourself closely to God."
All the trials and hardships that we face, can be conquered if we just pray. If we UNITE ourselves with Christ. So often Satan is trying to weaken our Faith, this is why we must stay close to Christ. We need to anchor our ship between Mary and Christ in the Eucharist.
Uniting ourselves to Christ has to be constant. You can't say: "It's Sunday, so I'll pray, and go to Mass, and obviously I'm uniting myself that way." You choose to be with Christ, or you don't.

Uniting yourself with Christ must be for life. Unite your sufferings with His through prayer. Unite your joys with His, through worship. Unless we pray, and stick close with God, we are bound to suffer to a point that will lead to despair and lonliness.

So, I challenge you to really ask yourself:

"How united to Christ am I?"

Is your prayer life suffering? Pray anyway.
We receive graces if we do what pleases God in the midst of darkness.
No matter how hard it may seem, unite yourselves with Christ through prayer.

------------------------------------------

Bless the Lord, all you works of the Lord;
Praise and exalt him above all forever.
Angels of the Lord, bless the Lord;
You heavens, bless the Lord;
All you waters above the heavens, bless the Lord.
All you hosts of the Lord; bless the Lord.
Sun and moon, bless the Lord;
Stars of heaven, bless the Lord.
Every shower and dew, bless the Lord;
All you winds, bless the Lord.
Fire and heat, bless the Lord;
Cold and chill, bless the Lord.
Dew and rain, bless the Lord;
Frost and cold, bless the Lord.
Ice and snow, bless the Lord;
Nights and days, bless the Lord.
Light and darkness bless the Lord;
Lightning and clouds, bless the Lord.
Let the earth bless the Lord;
Praise and exalt him above all forever.
Mountains and hills, bless the Lord
Everything growing from the earth, bless the Lord.
You springs, bless the Lord;
Seas and rivers, bless the Lord.
You dolphins and all water creatures, bless the Lord;
All you birds of the air, bless the Lord.
All you beasts, wild and tame, bless the Lord;
Praise and exalt him above all forever.
You sons of men, bless the Lord;
O Israel, bless the Lord.
Priests of the Lord, bless the Lord;
Servants of the Lord, bless the Lord.
Spirits and souls of the just, bless the Lord;
Holy men of humble heart, bless the Lord.
Ananias, Azarias, Misael, bless the Lord;
Praise and exalt him above all forever.
Let us bless the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost;
Let us praise and exalt God above all forever.
Blessed are you in the firmament of heaven;
Praiseworthy and glorious forever.

"Why Mary?"

2010-07-26T14:49:00.002-04:00

"Many people put the Mother of Jesus down as often as they can, thinking that by degrading her they are somehow building up Jesus. They say things like "Mary is dead and can't help you", "Mary was just an incubator for Jesus", "Jesus put his mother down by calling her "Woman, and "If Mary had refused Gabriel, then God would have just picked someone else". All of that kind of talk is crazy, but they do it because they think that Catholics worship Mary as a goddess, and by putting her down, they are showing Catholics that Jesus is #1. How many people would like it if you said - "I love you, but I really can't stand your mother". And how many people regularly put down their own mother to reinforce the fact that their Dad is #1? No one. Jesus called her "Woman" all of the time to let us all know that she is the new Eve (Adam named his mate "Woman") who's yes to Gabriel overcame Eve's yes to Lucifer. "-Catholic Bible 101

So, why Mary?

"And a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with sun, and the
moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars. And being
with child . . . she brought forth a male child, who is to rule all nations with a rod of iron; and her child was caught up to God and to his throne. . . . And the dragon was angered at the woman, and went away to wage war with the rest of her offspring, who keep the commandments of God, and hold fast the testimony of
Jesus."--Revelations 12:1-2,5,17

In this scripture verse, it speaks of a woman (Mary) that is clothed with sun, and the moon under her feet. I use this scripture verse, because it is Mary's role to reflect the light of her SON. Just as a moon would reflect the light of the sun. The dragon is Satan. You see, Satan loves power, and He can't stand Mary because she's a woman that plans on defeating him.
A simple, humble, "weak" woman is going to defeat him. Of course, she's not going to do it alone. We are her "offspring" her "children", and she wants us to help her defeat Satan through true devotion and prayer. Of course, Satan is after us as well. Obviously, he has succeeded with some. We live in a battle between good and evil. Evil must be put to an end, and the only way it can end, is if we take our part in this battle by choosing good VS evil. We must choose to be dead to sin, because Satan is NOT our leader. He is our ENEMY. If we anchor our ship between two pillars (Jesus and Mary) then we can definitely help Mary crush the head of Satan.

Why do we need to pray to Mary, though? What's the purpose, when we can just go straight to Jesus Himself?
Let me ask you this. Have you ever gotten to a destination, without there being a way to get there? The answer is "no", right? You've either driven, had someone drive you, took a bus, a train, a plane, skated, walked, maybe even rode a bicycle. These forms of transportation takes us to our destination. In a way, Mary is like our form of transportation to Jesus.
I remember going on a retreat, and visiting some Dominican Sisters. I believe one of their mottos were : "To Jesus, through Mary". Through meditating on the Rosary, which she gave to us, she can drive us through the life of Jesus. She can show us how much she suffered, as well as her Son. She was the first disciple of Jesus. She can guide us to Jesus, by being the best example there is.

Pope Paul VI wrote succinctly:

“Mary is held up as an example to the faithful for the way in which in her own
particular life she fully and responsibly accepted the word of God and did
it....She is worthy of imitation because she was the first and most perfect of
Christ’s disciples.”

Mary was the perfect disciple, because she stood by Jesus from life until his death. Her level of humility and pure acceptance, is an example to us all.
Also, if Jesus was so close to His mother, why shouldn't we be? Should we only love our Father, and not our Mother? Of course not. To honor thy father & thy mother, involves loving them both. All the great Saints in Heaven had a devotion to Mary.

For just a simple, humble, woman...Mary is powerful! Many favors, blessings, gifts, and graces, many alleged healings and miracles have been reported, and documented. All of these things have to do with Mary. Mary gives us a vast outpourings of all of God's graces, and protection against every type of evil. It's important to ASK for these graces, too! This is why she's important. This is why we need her, in this world filled with evil. We NEED our Mother's protection.

Mama Mary, make our hearts like unto thine.

I've decided to close with a prayer..

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it
known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought
thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto
thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand,
sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.

Do you see the sin in this world?

2010-07-13T19:37:00.000-04:00

Yes, I'm a tad late, but I hope everyone had a wonderful July 4th weekend. Here in Ohio, they set fireworks off early.

So, I saw fireworks on the 2nd. I don't have a problem with that, seeing as I went to the "Red, White, and boom"--supposedly the biggest firework show in the country. The fireworks made it worth going to. Above is a picture of the actual show. I had a problem with the entire atmosphere, though. I don't think I've ever seen so much sin in one place. Well, maybe I have, but for some reason it all really stuck out. It made my soul ache. I felt sorrow for the lost souls that were wandering all around me. By all means, I am not saying that I am better than them. I am a sinner too, but by the grace of God, I know better. I still have the choice to choose wrong, and unfortunately I do make mistakes.

You're probably wondering exactly what kind of atmosphere was I surrounded by. Well, it was like walking into hell. How does a guy stay pure when girls wear "dresses" that obviously need leggings/pants?! Upper thigh length doesn't cut it, honey. I hate all the swearing, stealing, random make-out sessions, smoking (this includes cigarette packs stuffed in bras), and disgusting music. You would think that they would at least play better music, seeing as it IS a family event and little kids are around. I guess not. Everyone is so desensitized. Swearing? No big deal, everyone does it. Immodest dressing? Who cares! It's my body, and if I feel comfortable with my body..why not?! This is the society that we live in.

I went church for 5+ minutes before leaving, and let me just tell you...I enjoyed it so much.
It was like walking from hell into Heaven. Also, another side note--I've gone to the March For Life for the past 4 years, and I've never had a problem with crowds there. Why? Because I know I'm there for a good cause. Anywhere else, and I feel like I'm being suffocated.

Do you see the sin in this world? What do you do about it? Do you simply walk past whomever is sinning? Do you quietly pray for that person? Do you confront this person face to face?

I think most of the time, it's easy for us to just walk past people.
I don't know about you, but I've always been a people watcher. People fascinate me.
I often wonder what kind of day they had, how they are feeling, what's going through their head, and even what state their soul is in. Sometimes I pick up vibes from people that tell me to pray for them. But, if we simply walk past people that are doing wrong, like it's no big deal, then WE are desensitized to the evil that surrounds us. This means that something is seriously wrong.

"If I had to advise parents, I should tell them to take great care about the
people with whom their children associate . . . Much harm may result from bad
company, and we are inclined by nature to follow what is worse than what is
better."-St Elizabeth Ann Seton

Take it from someone that knows... she could not be anymore right.

Ever heard either of these sayings?

"You are, who you hang out with"? or
"Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are"?

It's true. We"are inclined by nature to follow what is worse than what is better."

We have to pray for sinners everywhere. I advise everyone to offer up suffering for sinners everywhere through prayer. It is when we pray for others, we learn to pray for ourselves.

Even if it's someone that we don't like. We must understand that love is not a feeling, but a choice. And this choice we *must* make is not always a warm and fuzzy feeling.
Sometimes, it will cost us. Sometimes, we have to suffer. Look at Jesus, Padre Pio, Mother Teresa, and many Saints. We need to look to our brothers and sisters in Heaven as an example.
Is is by suffering, we receive many graces though, if we respond with love.

I have a challenge for everyone.

If you are passing someone that appears to be sinning, simply say this in your heart:

"For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world."
May we cling to the Cross, so that we grow in love and holiness. May we become more like Christ each and every moment. With each breath we take, may we say "I love You, Jesus".

And may our eyes be fixated upon the Kingdom of Heaven, not the kingdom of Satan.

O Lord, make our hearts like unto thine. Pure. Grant us the graces to live the Mass, to serve others, and to love with an undivided heart. May we grow in holiness, that in holiness, we may learn right from wrong. May we speak with the fire of the Holy Spirit within us, and nothing that will offend Your Holy name. May we cling to the Cross, and die to the sin of the world.
May we be a reflection of Your Holy light, that we may set the world ablaze to prepare the world for the second coming.

Love Letter V

2010-06-28T14:21:00.004-04:00

From now on, I'm just going to write "Love Letters" once a month, and post it whenever I can. So it won't have to be on a Wednesday.

------------------

Dear Child,
Remember when you spoke to the Father,
and asked Him to change all things?
Oh, how many years have passed since then. And yet, the Father still remembers your request...because you never ceased to ask. Let us thank the Lord, our God!

-----

Sons and daughters, thank the Lord.
All the works, thank the Lord.
Cherubim, seraphim, six winged and many eyes, thank the Lord.
All ye' Saints, thank the Lord.
Sun and moon, thank the Lord.

Praise and exalt Him forevermore.

Let us thank the Lord for what good He has done.

For the Catholic Church, let us thank the Lord.
For His Holy word, let us thank the Lord.
For Holy Communion, let us thank the Lord.
For His infinite mercy, let us thank the Lord.
For His abiding love, let us thank the Lord.
For graces brought forth, let us thank the Lord.
For Holy Priests, let us thank the Lord.
For the Holy Father, let us thank the Lord.
For religious women, let us thank the Lord.
Servants of the Lord, let us thank the Lord.

Praise and exalt Him forevermore.

Night and day, let us praise the Lord.
Joy and suffering, let us praise the Lord.
For impossible cases, let us praise the Lord.
For all families, let us praise the Lord.
For the sick and dying, let us praise the Lord.
For the unborn, let us praise the Lord.
For those without Faith, let us praise the Lord.
For sinners everywhere, let us praise the Lord.
For those struggling with addiction, let us priase the Lord.

Praise and exalt Him forevermore.

Lord, You know all things.
You know that I love You.
I am in love with all that you do.
Be with me, all the days of my life.
That through you, I may serve You
in such a way that is fit for a king.

And Mother Mary, grant me the the graces that I need
to willingly accept the will of the Father, with great humility and love.
I ask that you grant me the graces that I need to get through each day.
May we become men and women of Faith, and torch bearers for the ultimate queen.

Show me the way, Mother Mary.
Lead me to your Son.

The evils of sin.

2010-06-16T13:03:00.002-04:00

The saints tell us that a soul in the state of grace looks so exceedingly beautiful that it could even be mistaken for Almighty God! They also tell us that a soul dead in sin is repulsively ugly. When we were baptized we were filled with grace and became God’s children; our souls were breathtakingly, magnificently beautiful. But we can lose that grace by sinning.

Sin: Why is this 3 letter word so dangerous to all of mankind? Because it's the one thing that separates us from God. It keeps us from ever being happy and fulfilled. Sin turns us into servants of the devil. Sin weakens our soul, which makes us lazy. When one is not in the state of grace, it's easier to keep sinning. Why is this? Because you have completely cut God out of your life! He didn't want to go away, He never wants to go away. You chose to throw Him out of your life. You chose not to accept the graces that flow from Him. Your soul is His home, if you trash it, do you expect Him to stay?

Think of it this way: Say you're on a trip, and you're looking for a cheap motel to stay at. You find one, and the motel is old. You walk in, and the room smells like smoke, the shower is rusted, and it's just gross. This is a true story that happened to me, and if you're anything like me...you'd be running out the door. That's the same thing with God. In a way, our souls are like the "motel" for God. When we sin, we trash it. When we are in mortal sin, we completely kick him out.

Sin is a horrible thing, because when we sin we are disobeying God. The root of all our sin stems from disobedience. Whenever we sin, we aren't doing what God asks of us. This is also what happened with the fall of Adam and Eve. They disobeyed God. And, it's important to know the tricks of the devil. The devil works in sly ways, and he can easily make something sinful, alluring.

I'm sure you hear those common phrases: "Oh, it's not that bad", "Nobody will find out", etc. Is Satan trying to tempt us. We're human, and we're bound to fall, but that doesn't mean we have to. In Confession, we can't say "the devil made me do it", because we have free will. We willingly chose to sin, and we're responsible for our own actions.

We should flee from sin, and the best way to do that is by educating ourselves on how Satan works in his sly ways. I recommend reading "The Screwtape Letters" which was written by CS. Lewis. In the book, it talks about how the attack is much easier when man's inner world is drab.
Drab? What does this mean? Perhaps it means if you are despairing, and feel weak, and your relationship with God isn't that strong.

Unfortunately, it is possible to become attached to sin. You have, I have, I'm sure we all have.

It's a battle that we face between good and evil. We're always the "monkey in the middle" and God and Satan are constantly tugging away at us. I recall a time in my life when I fell so hard, I thought I wouldn't be able to get back up. I felt this way because I was attached to sin. In a way, chains were wrapped around me. I became a slave to sin to the point where my relationship with God suffered immensely. This made it very hard for me to pray. The best that I could say was: "God, help me!" or "God, help me change!"

Eventually, He did help me change. Why? Because I begged for change, and I begged for holiness. Unceasingly, I prayed because in my heart I knew He could change the mess I was in.

I prayed with confidence, and that's what we must do when we pray!

"We shall not make ourselves holy until we have a great desire to become so.
Nothing great is achieved without desire...."

Prayer is KEY to overcoming attachment to sin. It won't be easy, but you need to have patience. Pray for the graces you need to get through each day. Strength, perseverance, and courage are things that we must pray for. And I wouldn't suggest just praying. Go to the extreme! Go to daily Mass and go to confession often. And let's say you have an addiction to porn...I'm not going to say: "throw your computer out!"But, the computer can easily become an occasion of sin for those that are addicted to porn. Change your online atmosphere. Make your background of Jesus crucified, listen to EWTN/homilies while browsing the internet, and stay close to Mary through the Rosary. She is the greatest example of purity.

Purity: When we are pure, we are not limiting ourselves from loving. Instead, we are expanding our capacity to love in such a way that is Christ-like.

Purity is not only based off of sex, but it's having a pure heart, and pure mind. Fleeing from sin, and striving for holiness would be an example of purity.

So, stay close to Jesus and Mary through prayer. Begin to get familiar with how Satan works in your own life. When you recognize him trying to tempt you, you can instantly pray at that moment. I believe that you will receive the graces to turn away from evil.

Mass experience

2010-06-06T17:25:00.002-04:00

Today, I realized something at Mass as I was looking at the crucifix.
It's really something obvious, and kind of one of those "duh!" moments...but it hit me hard today.

Let me start off by saying we all have friends, and friends come and go. Sometimes we will even mistreat each other. I've had my share of good friends, and bad. Friends can be a good thing, of course--if their morals are good.

And maybe it's part of my cynical views, but I believe no matter who you know...good or bad...there's going to be a chance of someone hurting you in some way. Things change, break-ups happen, friendships sometimes end, and fights happen.

It's not fun, but that's all part of life.

As humans, we were made to love. We want to be loved, and love back.

It's normal, because that's how God created us! In a way, He kind of wrote "love" upon our hearts. He created the universe, and all the animals, but he created US to get to know Him, love Him, and serve Him. With his infinite love and mercy, he is the perfect friend.

And yet, why don't we treat Him as such? Why is it so hard for us to keep close to Him?

Is it simply because we can't see Him, or hear Him? How silly that is. If you pray, you begin to know Him. Keeping a prayer life is not always easy, so we need to pray for perseverance. If you read scripture, you hear Him, because that's His word. Can you see Him? In a way-- through the Eucharist. The Eucharist is ALL of Him. Body, blood, soul and divinity. Yes, it may appear as bread and wine, but as Catholics...that's not what we believe. We believe that it's the TRUE presence of Christ. We believe that the Holy Spirit works through the priest to give us the bread of life.

I speak of the Eucharist because of the feast of Corpus Christi. Every time we go to Mass, we experience the last supper & Christ's passion. It's not like taking a time machine into the past, no. We're actually experiencing it NOW. We are present with all the angels, with all the Saints, and with Mary at the foot of the altar just as she was at the foot of the cross.

At Mass, we are given the greatest opportunity to really get to know our friend by eating His flesh and drinking His blood. We receive an opportunity to fall in love with our friend. This friend is God. At Mass, we join the angels in Heaven with unending praise.
It's beautiful...to have a friend that loves you, and that you can love back.

“I have come so that they may have life and have it to the full” (Jn 10:10). This is what Jesus desires the most: to fill us with the fullness of His life. It is by His presence in the Eucharist that Jesus best communicates to us His divine life: “in him, in bodily form, lives divinity in all its fullness” (Col 2:9).

We have a God that is standing there, waiting with open arms, to embrace us.
It doesn't matter how bad you have sinned, He STILL loves you. His love is unconditional, and we can't even begin to fathom how great it truly is.

If everything seems to be changing in your life, remember that His love never will.

So, basically..what I realized is this: if you're ever feeling lonely, or just went through a break up, or lost someone, whatever it is.... just remember that you have a friend that's always waiting for you. Someone that will love you unconditionally, and will never leave your side. We're all in this together, and we all need to encourage one another to strive to get to Heaven. To to daily Mass if you can. Pray, go to adoration with someone, join a rosary group, there is endless possibilities. Bottom line is just to really get to know God, love God, and serve God, so that we can be with Him in the next life.

We have the best friend there is. That should be enough.
As long as you're living, don't ignore Him.

He thirsts for our love.

“I so ardently thirst to be loved by men in the most Blessed Sacrament that this thirst devours me”

-(Jesus to Saint Margaret Mary)

An explanation of the banner on my page.

2010-06-01T21:20:00.000-04:00

I realized I never explained the banner on my page. Some may find it disturbing at first, until they look at it with depth.

I've spoken about this "battle" in previous writings.

http://she-poured-out-words.blogspot.com/2009/11/battle-heaven-vs-hell.html

http://she-poured-out-words.blogspot.com/2010/04/battle.html

But, I have never told anyone why I talk about this battle.

It all started when I was six years old. I had a dream about Satan.

I was living in a house. It looked haunted, almost.
My mother's bathroom was made out of pure gold.
The walls, sinks, everything was just gold.
I remember seeing the devil appear in the middle of the house, and he started destroying everything in sight. But, the only object that I really remember him destroying is the computer.

Now, here's my thoughts on it:

I think this dream means that the world is blind. They can't see the battle between good VS evil because our focus isn't of anything "Spiritual" We often worry about the worldly things. What new gadget we have to have to be"happy." (I think this is what the gold bathroom means)

We need to open up our eyes. Satan's army is sneaky. They lie. They deceive. They get you hooked on the wrong things.
This world is full of sin, and just the internet world is awful. Google the word "porn" and you get
219,000,000 results. Google the word "sex" and you get 96,600,000 results. Google "gay pornography" and you get 16,700,000 results. It's everywhere! Satan is seeking the ruin of souls, and the internet is the perfect way to do it. Trust me.

Webcams/Cyber sex
This is a perfect way to commit a grave sin. And not only you are committing a grave sin, but the other person is as well.

The internet is probably the biggest trap. In my dream, it was not the devil destroying the computer. He was destroying the souls that are trapped "inside the computer".

Of course, I didn't really think much of this until high school. It wasn't until high school that I figured there must've been a reason why the dream was still fresh in my mind years later.

Now, I feel as if it's a message I'm called to give out.

As I've gotten older, I've had some other dreams. Dreams that have taught me to pray and stay close to God. That's the only way we can battle evil.

A dream that I had just last year, was probably the most intense out of all my dreams.

In my dream, I literally saw a battlefield. I saw Satan's army VS Christ's army.

I saw angels and demons fighting to death. Hell's army had more followers.
Heaven's army had some followers, but not as much. The majority were the angels.

The Angels were fought with all their might. Then it flashed to a scene where one angel stabbed a demon...then there was a flash of white.

The battlefield was like none other. They weren't fighting on land.

It was like a place of shadows and Holy Fire coming together.

So, that's the purpose of this banner. I want to make people think: "Which army are you a part of?" because I truly believe there's a battle going on.

Within the media.
Within the Church.

Within the whole entire world.

EDIT:
New song. It's "The Mass" by "Era".
Have no idea what it's saying, and I'm pretty sure it's not Catholic.. but I like it.
It kinda gives me a "battle march" vibe...
It's like gregorian chant mixed with New Age music. Haha.
"My Confession" is still on the playlist. It's just #2 now. :)

The Holy Spirit in the most Holy Trinity.

2010-05-31T00:20:00.001-04:00

I think it's been too long since I've really taken the time to write. Time to change that. Today I will be writing a little bit about the most Holy Trinity. (Perfect timing, eh?)

Let me first ask a question, what is the Holy Trinity? Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 3 persons in one. As Catholics, we believe that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit work together. There is a perfect unity there. A union that our human minds can't begin to comprehend. It's a mystery how there can be 3 persons in one. No matter how much we research, we won't be able to understand it.

I think the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have different "roles".
God is the Fatherly figure. The creator.
He knows us, because He created us.

Jesus is the merciful Savior and redeemer.
He teaches us how to be in this life we live.

The Holy Spirit is active in the Church.
The Holy Spirit is more of the "educator" --in my opinion.

There are so many fruits associated with the Holy Spirit.
Wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord.

This right here is an example of how the Holy Spirit is teaching us how to be. Plus, we can always pray for guidance if need be.

The Holy Spirit is really a mystery because so often we see pictures of Jesus and usually He's suffering. We see pictures of God, and He looks like this wise philosophical man. But the Holy Spirit is different. You see pictures of fire, a dove, a light.

Personally, I've never liked the thought of the Holy Spirit being a Dove, but that's just me.
I've always thought of the Holy Spirit as fire based off the scripture verse Acts 2:3-4 --where the Holy Spirit descended down upon the apostles, and appeared to them "as tongues of fire" .

The more you think about it, and get familiar with how the Holy Spirit works within your own life, you'll probably want to think "fire!"
I recall times where I've said things to people, and they were just like: "wow..."
The Holy Spirit worked through me to proclaim the truth. When you feel the Holy Spirit working through you, it's like a flame of truth, a flame of love, a flame that quickly spreads like wildfire. It's something that makes you strive to proclaim the truth. It's not like a bird that just comes and goes whenever it pleases. The Holy Spirit is present, all the time. We just have to be open to receiving graces from the Holy Spirit.

We read in John 14:16-17: "And I will ask the Father, and he shall give you another Paraclete, that he may abide with, you for ever. The spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive"

We receive this "truth" these "gifts" and these "graces" through prayer, and through the sacraments. And let's face it...
we will never have a good relationship with the most Holy Trinity, if we don't try.
Faith takes effort, and we have to do our part in it. Scripture tells us to pray without ceasing.

That's hard to do, I understand. I'm still working on it! But you do a little every day, and add more along the way. We are called to know God, love God, and serve God.

Today I've been listening to a favorite song of mine by Josh Groban. "My Confession".
And, it really makes me think of the sacrament of reconciliation and how the Holy Spirit really works in it.

"I have been blind, unwilling to see
The true love you're giving.
I have ignored every blessing."

--We have fallen into sin, and we haven't kept a strong relationship with Christ.
He's there with open arms, but we're ignoring Him.

"I'm on my knees confessing.
That I feel myself surrender.
Each time I see your face.
I am staggered by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace."

---In the confessional, we are kneeling, surrendering.
Admitting that we did wrong.
And each time, we experience the "unassuming grace".
His beauty.
His infinite love and mercy.

"And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place...."
--- This is what confession does. It changes our souls.
Our souls can be so hardened by sin, that once we have a clear conscious..
things begin to "fall into place".

It's an amazing thing, really.
I challenge you all to pray an extra 5-10 minutes each day. Eventually, that will become more.
Develop a relationship with the Holy Trinity! You can't say you know someone, without actually getting to know them. And that's what God calls us to do. If your prayer life is practically nothing, it's never too late.

It doesn't matter if you think you're the worst sinner out there, He loves you anyway.
He offers us chance after chance to repent and to get to know Him.
It's when we *DON'T* know Him, we are weak, and get the wrong idea of God.
Satan will try to put bad thoughts into our minds..stuff like: "God is mean and just wants to strike you with lightning. He's just dumb. Forget Him."

That's not the case at all. His mercy is infinite.
It's when we don't follow Him, love Him, and trust in His mercy, we hurt Him.
The sins we confess, He doesn't think about. He forgets them.
He loves us. So, again, just try to pray. Experience that amazing love He has to share.

*EDIT*

--I put "My Confession" by Josh Groban on my playlist.
It's the first song that plays once you enter my site. I'll have that up for a while.

Retreat experience

2010-05-25T18:15:00.013-04:00

Many people have been asking me about my retreat experience, and I haven't really had time to write about it. I've been busy with scouting stuff! But, now that it's over...I can write.

--------------------------------

Start of retreat:

Today is the start of my retreat! It first started out with me leaving the house at 1:45, and I got lost. I went back home and studied the map more, and called the Sisters to let them know I'd be late. I left the house, and drove around for a while. Finally, I arrived at 3:05.
All the Sisters were happy to see me. My retreat started out with Sr. Philomena Maria giving me a blessing and also giving me some time to pray. There, I just thanked God for giving me this opportunity to be here. Fridays are a day of fasting for the Sisters, so dinner was skipped.
I just had a piece of bread an an apple.

We did evening prayer & night prayer and I also got to see the Sisters participate in their music class. It was beautiful! Except, it wasn't really singing. It was more like, gregorian chant in the background while the Sisters said the Rosary. Still, it was beautiful. I think they are working on a Rosary CD for people at the soup kitchen, which is really cool.

I remember when I had my first retreat here....I was nervous and scared for most of it. But not anymore. Even Mother could tell that I was more at peace.

Well, it's almost 9:00. I'm going to go pray and go to sleep.
I have a full day ahead of me...

__________________________________________

Retreat day 1:

Today was a VERY long day. I woke up at 5:15, got ready, and ate breakfast.

It took me about 30 minutes to eat my breakfast. Not because I had so much food, because I didn't. I was just enjoying the silence. I was having a conversation with God.

Then, I just started hearing "Be mine..." I've been begging God for answers....why would the answers come this soon, though? Could I have been thinking it myself?

And if this is God's call, then wouldn't I know it for sure?

Plus.....for 3 months now....there's been some sort of "unsatisfied" feeling towards everything. Including the Children of Mary. Don't get me wrong, I feel content here. I don't want to leave.
I'm just just really confused now. I don't understand how this could be God's will if I don't have 100% joy about it.

Eh, anyway, today I worked A LOT. It was "Ora Et Labora" day---(pray & work day).

So, after Mass and prayers we worked until 11:30 AM. I was mainly busy with weeding..fun stuff! I kinda enjoyed it, though. I sang songs while I worked. Mainly Catholic songs in Latin. Panis Angelicus....Tantum Ergo.....Ave Maria.

11:30 was lunch. There was SO much FOOD! It was ridiculous!
Hot dogs, beans, chips, desserts..etc. After lunch, we worked some more, prayed more, and I made dinner! (Pizza). The Sisters were having a meeting, so they had me cook. Wish I could write more, but it's almost lights out. Ps. Before I forget, I picked pretty flowers for Mass today. They look beautiful. :)

__________________________________________

Retreat day 2

Today I went to Mass at Holy Family. It was a beautiful Latin Mass.
There, I saw my friend Melissa, and after Mass all of us went downstairs to talk to some guys from EWTN. We also ate lunch there, too. (Tuna wraps!)
After Mass, we visited a lady in the hospital that has bone cancer. (Melissa came along).
We said the Divine Mercy Chaplet with her. Wow....nothing seemed to matter anymore

All my problems became nothing, and not because I saw someone with "greater problems"..
but I just couldn't focus on myself. She was my focus.

We got back to the Children of Mary convent, and I had a talk with Mother, which really helped. She thinks that I have a calling, just because I have the desire of religious life.
We also talked about other things that I won't get into, but basically it set my soul at ease.
For so long I've been seeking for a clear sign, maybe this desire in my heart is enough. I truly believe that I am called to persue my religious vocation. Maybe go on some more retreats, maybe visit some other communities, maybe enter the Children Of Mary...who knows.

Does this mean that the religious life will be my whole life? I don't know, but I'm ready to stop discerning. I'm ready to start saying: "yes" to whatever God has in store for me.
I think the religious life is God's will for me, and I'll follow it, unless He takes me a different way.

Mother said something very wise. She said something like: "If you are attracted to a man, you'll date him. If it's God's will, you'll get married." And she spoke about how if I have an "attraction" to the religious life, even the slightest, I should look into it.

----

Had many laughs with the Sisters tonight at dinner. Even got to watch the last 30 minutes of St. Faustina! I didn't know there was a movie about her.

----

I have the worst migrane ever, so I'm going to bed. Have to get up 15 minutes earlier. *Le sigh*
Mother says whenever she hears the bells, and has to wake up...she says it's her "heroic moment" haha. You're supposed to spring out of bed when you wake up. This morning, I literally got out of bed like a NINJA! I've never gotten out of bed so fast. I think my alarm scared me, and I was excited for the day.

Well, good night.

Retreat day 3

Today I woke up at 5:15, said morning prayer, then went to Mass in Zanesville.
Came back and started working. I helped by moving a bunch of plants to the green house.
We also had lunch, which was good.

We had recreation after we cleaned the kitchen. Me, Sr. Philomena Maria, and Lynn played basketball. I didn't know how much these Sisters could laugh--especially Lynn! She is hilarious!

Spiritually...I hate this. Sure, I felt more at ease after my talk with Mother...but still....I have this disatisfied feeling. So far, I feel like I've been going through all the motions...but none of it has hit me. I don't feel as peaceful & joyful as I should. I don't feel complete here. Heck, I don't know what I want anymore. If God feels that I should look into the religious life more...fine, I'll do it.
But, right now I just can't seem to feel anything towards it. It's like....the spark in my heart for the religious life is slowly dying. But, that seems to be the story of my life...sparks dying.
Suddenly...things just become less attractive. I don't know, I love the thought of religious life.
I feel *content* here. I don't *want* to leave, but at the same time, I wouldn't mind if I did leave. I have felt this way before I went on this retreat. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, in my heart has changed. If I am to be God's....why do I feel so...blah about the whole idea?
I always hear God tell me that He is going to do big things with me.....

Day prayer.....brb.

-

- But, yeah....could the religious life be it? Is that my calling? I find it hard to believe right now....with this feeling within.

Retreat day 4

Today was pretty much like any other day, except Mass was in the chapel, so we didn't have to go out. Also, for recreation, we got a bit crafty! We made cards! The Sisters save a bunch of pictures from Christmas cards, Easter Cards, calendars, etc, and use them to make cards and stuff. So, I made a (late) Mother's day card for my mom.

Work today was fun, but kind of frustrating.

*I cleaned the main floor of the cloister .. :)
*I cleaned the barn, which went well.....until this dog that has been here lately chewed the duster into pieces. There was feather duster pieces all over the ground---after I already SWEPT!
*I got to feed chickens! Never done that before, but it feels funny.

I had a pretty intense adoration hour today....
I can just feel that God is pretty tired of me not listening/following/trying to avoid the truth...

I only heard the Lord speak 2 things. And, can't quote scripture at ALL. So, I know this is God speaking..

I heard Him say:
"Proverbs 22."
"John 6."

What stood out to me in John 6 was the story about Jesus walking on water. And He was like:
"It is I, DO NOT BE AFRAID."

The verse that stuck out to me in Proverbs 22
was: "The sluggard says: a lion is outside in the streets...I might be slain."
This basically is talking about the lack of effort required for doing good.

I think this is one of my problems. I think I'm afraid of losing things...friends, family, etc.
And maybe God is calling me to do the extreme, but I'm not really ....putting much effort into that so far.

Retreat day 5

I went to Holy Family for Mass today. The Mass was in Latin, and beautiful as always.

After Mass, we went to the soup kitchen. Ah, things have changed since the last time I was there. Now, there is a private corner for the Sisters to have Eucharistic adoration.
The corner is surrounded by beautiful gold curtains hanging, so it's almost like a whole different room! Eucharistic Adoration was amazing. It was beautiful to see how Christ worked through people, some wept in front of our Lord. Some were too hardened by pain that they couldn't come to pray. Others had hope. It was hard for *ME* not to cry. It was hard to see people in such pain..and wanting to just take all of it away. In the midst of all of this, had to smile though.

Here's a man that only has food that he keeps in a small box. He's just smiling, and telling *ME* to keep my thoughts on God. How beautiful, to be suffering, and just to have Faith in God.
As he was trying to add food to his box, some of it fell out. I kindly helped him by putting the food back into his box, and it's funny....he said: "Thank you, Sister!" (I had my church veil on.)
And without thinking, I was just like: "Oh, no. I'm not a Sister...yet!"

In my mind I was like: "Yet?!?!....Yeah... that's right...." I felt content with those words.
I don't know why, but I'm having a hard time admitting to myself that the religious life just might be for me. I feel that's the truth, I just find it hard to believe. Me?! A sister?!

I don't know why it takes me by surprise. I've desired this for so long. People have said that I should become a sister. But....practically knowing...is wow.

Pretty soon I'm going to have to go cook. I'm making chicken pot pie for tomorrow, so I have to prepare the veggies and stuff. Right now I'm writing during my "Holy leisure" time.... Mother gave me a bunch of time to kill. Now I can write & read "Mother Angelica".

...I still have to finish cleaning the barn. Gotta move stuff. :(
As Sr. Mary Teresa would say: "A Sister's work is never done."
Yeah, all the Sister's have "catch phrases".

According to Lynn, mine is just a giggle....hahaha.

Lynn's is: "Don't quote me on that."

Mother's is: "Remind me before I forget."

Sr. Philomena Maria isn't sure of hers, but we all think it should be:
"Hey, I have a story to share!" or something along the lines of that.

They make me laugh.

--------------------

Just got done with evening prayer. Time for holy leisure!
This is probably one of my favorite points of the day...
simply because I get to educate myself in the Faith by reading or listening to a talk.

I'm currently listening to a CD on the religious life.
It's pretty good, so far. Ahh, on the way to Mass today, the sisters turned on the radio. We listened to Fr. Corapi on 1510 (Catholic AM station.)
He was talking about the Rosary, and where the mysteries came from, and how we can relate it to scripture! It was GREAT!

Bed time!

Retreat day 6

Today I woke up and said morning prayer with the Sisters.
After that, I helped Sr. Philomena in the kitchen. I chopped up more veggies.
Today was a "fun day" so we were talking in the kitchen having a conversation.
Normally, the Sisters try to keep silence everywhere outside of recreation.
So, if I'm in the kitchen, and need instructions on something...I can just whisper.
But they try not to have full conversations outside of recreation.

Anyway.... our conversation was about songs. She had asked me what my favorite church songs were. Turns out, we like a lot of the same songs. "Tantum Ergo" and "Let all mortal flesh keep silence" being some of them. After we got done working in the kitchen me & Lynn got some flowers from outside.... we're celebrating the feast of Our Lady of Fatima.

Also, Lynn becomes a postulant today..which is pretty exciting.
This weekend should be fun with other girls coming for a retreat. Can't wait!

Debating on staying for the full weekend or not...still have camporee stuff.
Not totally sure what all has been done--aside from the skits. Oh well.

We had lunch with a wonderful priest today. Fr. Antonio.
Originally from Brazil, and studied in Italy for like 10 years. He has a thick accent, but you can easily understand him. He was very interesting.

Since today is the feast of Our Lady of Fatima, we had a procession for her. We did a crowning for the Mary statue in the forest, in the garden, and by the pond.
It was really weird, though....before we left we saw a butterfly. (Symbol of renewal).
And while procesing through the forest, Mother said she saw a snake--most likely poisonous because it had different colors/patterns. (Maybe a copperhead?) but she said she hasn't seen a snake in like....20 years! And really...of all days? Crazy.

Tonight we're having a cook out, so I'm going to use my scouting skills to build a fire. :)
Bahahaha. The moment I've been waiting for...
Yes, I'm a pyro.
Like all good scouts.

-----

Okay, so the fire didn't turn out as good as I would have liked it to.
Not my fault, though. Too many big logs/news paper. Sister was suffocating the fire.
Oh well. Seeing as we were having a cook out, it didn't need to be a big fire anyway.
We had hamburgers! :)

Afterwards, we played badmitton again. I must be cursed because this time the birdie hit my head. Seriously?! First my eye, now my head. I think Sr. Philomena Maria wants to knock me out. Thankfully it didn't really hurt, though.

Ah, going to take a power nap from 9:30 to 10:45. We're having adoration for an hour to pray for priests. 11:00-12:00.
Night!

Retreat day 7

DANGIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't pray for priests from 11:00- 12:00.
I had my alarm set and everything, but it didn't go off! And I WANTED to do it!
I woke up at 12:15, and I was like: "IT ENDED 15 MINUTES AGO? I MISSED IT?!?"
Eh, it's okay. I woke up a 1/2 hr earlier than needed..so I just prayed then.

I can't help but feel like....I'm just going through all the motions with this retreat.
Eat when it's time to eat.
Work when it's time to work.
Etc.
I'm not sure what I even LIKE about the religious life anymore.
Do I just like certain things---Prayer/silence/going to the soup kitchen?
Or do I like it because I find it something more than just prayer and work?

Eh, with God I'll get things figured out.

I've been fasting all day today. Mainly bread & water & tea. Few slices of pear.
(Except no drinking during the hours of our Lord's passion..12-3)

I'd say I'm adjusting well to the fasting.

Bed time!

Retreat day 8

---Not a whole lot of time to write today..

Talk by Sr. Philomena Maria.

*Thoughts control feelings.

*Story about monks singing and angels being next to each monk writing.

*Angels writing in gold = joy while singing.

* Angels writing silver= some distraction.

* Angels writing in ink= just saying the words.

* Angels writing in water= not saying anything.

* Religious life= You GAIN a spiritual family & a divine spouse.

Talk 2-- Mother Margaret Mary

* Be open to graces at Mass by emptying our whole selves. Body & mind.
There should be no distractions.

* LOVE one another. DO! Don't TRY.

*Hardships can be things that lead us to a path to greatness.

* You wound the heart of God if you don't forgive yourself.

*We are most like Jesus when we suffer.

*We are most like God when we forgive.

Day 9

*Woke up
*Packed
*Said morning prayer
*Went to Mass.
*Went home

-yes, I originally planned for a 10 day retreat.
Came home a day earlier to get camporee stuff done.

____________________________________
SIDE NOTES

---The main thing I found helpful during my retreat was this:
Thoughts control feelings. After my retreat, I had to shun a lot of bad thoughts away in order to feel at peace with the thought of religious life.
If this is what God wants, then alright. I'm fine with it. :)

____________________________________

-- I consecrated myself to Mary, again. :)
After this retreat, I definitely feel more devoted to Our Lady. I want to strive to get a deeper relationship with her.
_____________________

--I learned some things that you're not allowed to speak about. There's 5 of them, but sister could only remember 3.
1. Your past.
2. Life struggles.
3. Food.

I was kind of shocked when I heard "food" really? But it makes sense. Food can easily dominate conversation, and it's easy to take pleasure in it. They try to keep their minds on God.

____________

--In adoration, I heard Jesus say two things to me.
"My heart is beating with love for you!"
and "You know that I am with you every step of the way."
Now...I don't feel afraid to do His will. I'm not afriad of this journey...

_________________

---I learned so many prayers. I can now do the Rosary in Latin perfectly, the Regina Coeli in Latin perfectly, and and other prayers (which aren't in Latin).. haha.

2010-05-07T00:24:00.002-04:00

10 DAY RETREAT STARTING May 7th AT 2:30 EST!
I WILL BE STAYING WITH SOME SISTERS FOR DISCERNMENT!
If you don't see me tweeting/updating my blog...that's why.
Keep me in your prayers.

~Layna

Love Letter IV

2010-04-28T10:02:00.004-04:00

Dear child,
Do you remember the night you woke up in tears?
It was when the prince of darkness visted.
Oh, your eyes were full of fear.
Oh, but you were wise, little one.
You were scared, but you never did abandon the Son. Faith is what you kept.
You took the pain, and suffered out of love
You're an inspiration to me.

------------------

Holy is He who tends to His sheep.
Holy is He who's love I shall keep.
Holy is He who never abandons me.

I unite my suffering with Yours, O Lord.
I unite my pain with Yours , O Lord.
I unite my tears with Yours, O Lord.
I unite my aching heart with Yours, O Lord.

Father, the pain is too much to bear today.
Father, hold me.
Father, comfort me.
Father, love me.

Despite my sufferings, I know your love.
Despite my sufferings, I will praise your name forevermore.
Despite my sufferings, I will turn my tears to roses,
though it cuts me to the core.

He who defeats evil, sing praise.
He who defeats evil, adore Him forever
He who defeats evil, is the King of Kings.
He who defeats evil, is my love.

Sing praise to the King of Kings
Adore Him forever.

He who is merciful towards sinners, sing praise.
He who is merciful towards sinners, confide in His rays.
He who is merciful towards sinners, exalt Him forever.

Sing praise to He who is merciful.
Exalt Him forever.

He who thirsts for love, confide in Him.
He who thirsts for love, love Him.
He who thirsts for love, is my God and my King.
May His thirst be satisfied.

Sing praise to He who thirsts for love.
Love Him forever.

Everyday life.

2010-04-20T23:45:00.008-04:00

I had no intention of writing this week, seeing as I've been busy with various things...but, something happened tonight, and it really hit me. It was enough to inspire me to write.

I've always been very observant. I have ever since I was a baby. As stalkerish as it may sound, I've always enjoyed people watching. As I've grown older, I can't help but wonder what they are thinking, if they believe in God, and what kind of life they live. I mainly am concerned about their salvation. I'd like to say that observing is learning, and I think that would be a true statement. Just by observing, you can learn so much.

What's shocking is the stuff that goes on in this world. What's even more shocking is how easily it can be over-looked.

Many people just walk by each other, and don't bother to look at a person in depth.
Yes, believe it or not, that person you just walked past was once a kid.
That other person you just walked past has feelings, and is most likely going through hardships.
Everyone, open your eyes! There are people that need prayers!

Today, three things happened.

1. I went to the mall and I heard two women talking about birth control/fertilization.
In my heart, I said: "Lord, please show them the truth. Show them that life is something precious."

2. I saw a lady, and she was pregnant. It was like a glimpse of hope after hearing about that conversation. I couldn't help but smile!
In my heart, I said: "Lord, keep her baby healthy."

3. Went to the gas station and I waited in the car while my mom ran into the store to get ice cream. A car pulled up next to us, and in the car were 3 young BEAUTIFUL girls. Probably 19.
1 girl (the driver) was smoking. The passenger walked into the store, and later on threw away two beer shaped looking bottles. (Assuming it was smirnoff ice--there was a drop of liquid left in each bottle and it was white looking.) The girl in the back seat was working on opening another bottle of something. It just made me sad.
My heart broke at this point, but in my heart I said: "Lord, have mercy on them."

I don't ever think of the prayers. It all just quickly came to me. I have such a desire to pray for the conversion of sinners.
I care so much about the salvation of others. I want Christ's thirst of love to be satisfied.

If we don't pray, if we don't follow our Faith, if we don't be a WITNESS...then we are failing to do our part in life. We are called to know God, love God, and serve Him. If we know God, then we will desire for all people to know how great He truly is. We need to show people that they are WORTH something. Those that harm them self with drugs, alcohol, etc...They need to stop! Someone needs to take a stand and say how wrong it is. Is it great that we have people destroying their bodies? No! Because each person is important. Each person has a purpose in life whether they believe it or not. Drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol addiction is nothing more than just a slow suicide. I can't understand why people want that for themselves! What do they see in the mirror when they wake up in the morning? Do they see a person that is worth living?
It angers me, because I believe everyone has potential to turn this world around. To make this world a better place. TO BE something. And to see someone waste it all away, hurts.

If any change is going to take place, it won't be because of us, but because of God.
This is why we must pray, and be Faithful.

Sometimes we're at the right place at the right time, and just don't realize it.
Smile and pray for those that look unhappy.

Let Christ shine through you.

Love always, even if it's hard.

♥ † ♥

Amazing video to watch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVy2mS4PoZc&playnext_from=TL&videos=dn9OutW61gE

The Battle

2010-04-13T15:30:00.003-04:00

She feels the air,
It's cold as ice.
Her heartbeat increases
Glass tears fall as she screams"Dear Jesus.."

"Grab all weapons, it's time."
"I see no battle" they say.
She takes them inside her mind.
"Hold your swords high,
leave none alive!"

Each army walks out onto the battlefield..
My Lord, My God..what do you have to say?
"Let it be done unto those that betray.
Do they not know the price they must pay?"

How difficult it must be
To defend against unsolicited attacks.
But, still the angels march on.

They carry their torches and bear the light.
Oh, how they desire to spread truth to all.
They see evil and think of it as such an awful sight..
But, they pray, and still the angels march on.

The silence is broken by a cruel laughter.
And tears are shed for every sin ever committed.
"Sin, all you sinners" they chant.

The canons break out.
Lies are spread, and death is in the air.
"We refuse to let evil take over..Hallelujah!
We'll raise our swords high!"
This is the night that blood has been shed.
Maggots begin to crawl out of the demon's heads..
Looking to infect another soul..

Which side are you on, reader?
What is your choice of weapon in this battle?
The canon of lies, or the sword of truth?

The importance of Adoration

2010-04-11T00:05:00.002-04:00

♥ Jesus told Saint Faustina from the Tabernacle, “Love has brought me here, and love keeps me here” (Diary, 576)." To Saint Margaret Mary He said, “I have a burning thirst to be loved and honored by all in the Blessed Sacrament.” ♥

God's promise to us was this:
“I will be with you until the end of time.” (Mt 28:20) and so He is. He is everywhere, but especially in the Eucharist. Not part of Him, but all of Him. His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity. His Heart, His sentiments, His mind, His desires, His love. All of Him. He is present, giving Himself to man for love.

The Eucharist is a wonderful gift of love from Jesus to all of men. It's a reflection of His passion and His suffering. In the book of John, it tells us that Jesus loved us until the end. This means He loved us so much, that He didn't stop. He took on all suffering and died for our sake. THAT is how great His love is.

It's unfortunate that our Lord sits there with open arms, wanting to hear from us... wanting to
be friends with us ..and It's sad when people in my church pass by the library (which is where adoration is currently being held due to remodeling). You don't have a minute to say hello to our Lord? So often, I think we forget He's there because we can't see him.

But, even then..I don't understand. Wouldn't the Eucharist be as visual as it gets?
I think it depends. Some may see a piece of bread. Others, penetrate past the fact, and seek truth.

If you've ever been to adoration, you would know that stuff happens! No, maybe you won't have an amazing conversion, but you will feel at peace. You will learn how to love. You will develop a relationship. You learn to listen. You learn patience.

If only you knew the power of adoration, you would not be looking at the clock every second.
You would not be passing the hallway. And, you would not be wanting to leave. Oh, how it saddens me. If you don't have an hour to spend with Him, do you at least have a minute?

"If souls would put themselves completely in my care, I myself would
undertake the task of sanctifying them, and I would lavish even greater graces
on them. There are souls who thwart My efforts, but I have not given up on them;
as often as they turn to Me, I hurry to their aid, sheilding them with My mercy,
and I give them the first place in My compassionate Heart." --God to Saint
Faustina.

I used to have a lot of struggles, I wasn't proud of myself. I wanted to change, but no matter how much I prayed...nothing would happen. I didn't stop praying though. I desired change more than life itself. I wanted a reason to keep on living, because the way I was living made me feel dead inside. Anyway, I did have a conversion. It was back in September, at the Eucharistic Congress of 09. It wasn't during adoration, but during Mass. Every day since then I have strived to live only for God. I just remember crying and gazing upon the altar and thinking to myself:
"I want to live for You, God, and only You."This desire within me has not changed.

I also used to struggle with anger. I suppose going to adoration has nothing to do with me finally being at peace.

You won't ever be able to convince me that Christ is not present in the EUCHARIST!

It's more than just a piece of bread. It's everything. It's the body, blood, soul and DIVINITY of my Lord and Savior.

On this Divine Mercy Sunday, set aside time for our Lord. Experience His great love and mercy.

Christ is Risen!

2010-04-04T15:11:00.007-04:00

Christ is Risen!

I went to Mass last night, and the Epistle was actually a favorite reading of mine.
Rom 6: 3-11

Brothers and sisters:
Are you unaware that we who were baptized into Christ Jesus
were baptized into his death?
We were indeed buried with him through baptism into death,
so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead
by the glory of the Father,
we too might live in newness of life.

For if we have grown into union with him through a death like his,
we shall also be united with him in the resurrection.
We know that our old self was crucified with him,
so that our sinful body might be done away with,
that we might no longer be in slavery to sin.

For a dead person has been absolved from sin.
If, then, we have died with Christ,
we believe that we shall also live with him.
We know that Christ, raised from the dead, dies no more;
death no longer has power over him.
As to his death, he died to sin once and for all;
as to his life, he lives for God.
Consequently, you too must think of yourselves as being dead to sin and living for God in Christ Jesus.

I try my hardest to live by this, because it's my motto. I'm involved with youth group, and we have DTS meetings. DTS stands for Dead Theologians Society and at each meeting we study the life of a Saint. We wear black hoodies in the cold weather which has a monstrance on it & around the monstrance it says: "Mortuum mundo, vivum in Christo."
Which means: Dead to the world, alive in Christ in Latin.
Being dead to the world means to be dead to the sin which this world has to offer, no matter how glamorous it may appear.

We are all called to be a witness in this world, a light that can set the world ablaze. But, we can't do this without first resting in the Eternal light-- God.
We need to reflect HIM!

I hope everyone has reflected on all these readings-- especially this one.
Because it's a constant reminder of what we are called to--holiness!!!
And while it's not easy, we have all of Heaven on our side cheering us on.

Easter is a time of renewal, and by His death and resurrection, we are RENEWED!
It is time to spread fire that burns bright within us.

I also hope that everyone has had a wonderful Easter. :)

The Crowning Of Thorns.

2010-04-01T11:00:00.012-04:00

I'm working on a talk for a Catholic camp program. I might use this, but edit parts.
----------------------------

As I have stated in previous posts, I love to meditate on Christ's passion, especially the crowning of thorns.
Why, you ask? Because, we have many of our own "thorns"--things that bother us. Meditating upon the suffering Jesus experienced when the crown of thorns was placed upon his head will teach us to accept suffering in our own life.

If you're praying the Rosary and meditating on the Crowning of Thorns, you will see that the fruit of the mystery is: Courage. To get through suffering, we should always pray for fortitude/courage, so that we can do what's right no matter how difficult it may be.
Everyone needs courage to keep persevering, to keep carrying their cross. Without it, and without prayer, we will most definitely fall.

I believe for a lot of people, it's hard to pray during the hard times. I never understood why, because I've never had this problem, personally. I've always felt closer to God through suffering. There's only one thing I can think of and it's this:
There's people that must not be well educated in the whole suffering aspect, and don't even how to deal with it. And I'm not even sure people know the greatness that can come from it.

Suffering can......

*Save souls.
Let's say you have a horrible flu-bug. This would be considered as a "thorn". You have a choice to waste this suffering by complaining, or you can bring good from it. You can offer that up for the conversion of sinners/souls in purgatory..which would be the good thing to do.

*Can show you how to love.
*Bring you closer to Jesus.

St. Teresa of Avila said:

"We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had
to bear the greatest trials."

Right now, you may not be suffering the greatest trials.
Maybe you have yet to face them. Maybe you already have though. Maybe a family member passed away. Maybe your parents got a divorce. Whatever it is, these are sufferings that we can take to Jesus. Even if it's small!

Our Lord's suffering is still going on. One of the last things he said was: "I thirst". His thirst was not for water, but for love. He desires for all mankind to know Him, love Him, and serve Him.
If we are suffering, then let's cling to Jesus, who has suffered the most.
Begin by simply telling God how you feel, it doesn't have to be long. Sometimes "Jesus, help me" is enough. But, by running to Him in a time of distress, we are being a bit more like Christ.
Even Jesus ran to the Father during His hardships.

The Rosary is a wonderful way to get familiar with the life of Jesus. Mary will show you just how much her Son suffered through the Rosary. Suffering is not an easy thing, but this is why we have Our Lady. She will shed down the graces we need to get through anything. Pray for strength. Pray for perseverence. Pray for courage.

On good Friday, really meditate on the suffering that Christ through. Allow it to really touch you.
Unite your sufferings with HIS, and you will begin to feel a transformation.

"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

2010-03-26T23:47:00.004-04:00

As a Catholic, there has something that has been bugging me (and many other Catholics, I'm sure) for a while now. You are probably aware of all this talk about the "sex abuse scandals". First off, I'm not concerned about when these abuse "events" took place. My main concern is not about this information being hidden from us, either.

My problems don't have anything to do with the political issues, actually.
I'm more sickened by the awful comments that have been directed towards priests and the Catholic Church. I can no longer keep silent about something like this.

In defense of the common comments that all seem to say the same thing "well, maybe if priests could have sex/get married..." You people act as if they are forced to choose the celibate road. They themselves chose the celibate road. No one forced them into it.

Pedophilia is a mental problem. You can't play a race, religion, age, single or taken card on this.
It doesn't matter what type of person they are. It's a mental illness.

There are good priests, but the priests that have gravely sinned, is it right of us to judge and say they are "bad"? No, we don't know what they've been through, what has gone through their minds, and it is not our job to point out their sins. We don't know their soul! To take proper action in a case like this is one thing, but to insult and speak ill of them is another.

It's unfortunate that priests have done this, but they are human just like us.
They can sin, just like us. I don't support the sinful actions, but I will support the work of priests until the day I die, because Christ WORKS through the priests to do His work.

Christ works through the Priests to forgive sins in the sacrament of confession.
Christ works through the Priests to celebrate the Mass- the highest form of prayer!
Christ works through the Priests to give us communion. Body, blood, soul, and DIVINITY of our Lord Jesus Christ.
They bring us into the Church through Baptism.
Because of them, they keep us alive SPIRITUALLY!

We need priests! Good and Holy priests!

And we fail to understand that Satan is working HARD to try to bring the Church down.
And he HATES priests, so he will do anything to get them to fall.
Many priests have it hard. They have to live a Holy life, but they are still part of this world. They are still exposed to all the sin. Is this still any excuse to commit such a sinful act? No, there is never an excuse to sin, but being amongst sin does not make anything easy.

When are WE going to start praying for these Priests?
When are WE going to start defending the Church?
We need to take action. We can't let the enemy win!

I don't care if they did the worst thing in the world. This will be taken up by God in the end.
We all have sinned in some form, so who are we to judge? Pedophilia isn't right, and neither are our sins. What kind of message is being sent out if we just LET people say this kind of stuff about our priests? If people only KNEW and BELIEVED in what the Priests do, they wouldn't be saying anything! But people will never know, and will never believe, if we don't speak up.

To all the Catholics, DEFEND the Church! Defend the PRIESTS! And we MUST defend our Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI.
I'm not asking you to defend the sinful actions, but the sinner.
Don't be the Catholic that just simply attends Mass, and leave it at that.
Be the Catholic that will DEFEND everything about the Faith That LOVES their Faith.
Anne Frank said...

"Despite everything, I still believe people are good at heart."

And that's how I feel. Without priests, I probably wouldn't be here writing. There's a number of writings that have been inspired by their talks. It angers me, and makes me cry when people think they can just rattle off a bunch of offensive comments. The situation is awful, yes, I understand this.

But the abuse and slander doesn't help the abuse that has supposedly already taken place. People are angry about this, which is understandable. I'm angry, too. Our abusive words only proves that there isn't just a loss of good in certain priests, but in mankind. This PROVES that we are no better!

If we're acting this way, then we're broken. And it's GOD that can heal the broken! Trust in Him!

We need to really start forming a relationship with Our Lady.
We need to bring others to her. SHE is the one that will crush the serpent's head.
SHE is the one that will bring us to our Lord and Savior.

I've had dreams of angels and demons fighting. There IS a spiritual battle going on.
It's real, and it's awful. It's going on everywhere--including the Church.
If we don't fight for what's right, then who will?
If Pope John Paul II forgave the man that shot him, then why can't we forgive and pray for the priests that have done wrong?

Is "hate" our answer to everything? How pitiful.
http://www.shjolg.com/page21.html

Love letter III

2010-03-24T00:05:00.002-04:00

Dear child, you had it all right all along. The way the symphony of love danced through your head.
And the way you believed in the Faith...
You just accepted the fact that His blood was shed.
You didn't live off of ignorance. You lived by simplicity.
You were living by what little you knew.
Your little heart was set on fire for Jesus.

Light of the world, I am weak.
Hear my cry, and quench my thirst for love.
Light of the world, renew me by grace.
Light of the world, set my soul ablaze.
Light of the world, teach me simplicity.
Light of the world, set me free.

Innocence and simplicity; transform me.
Purity and righteousness; transform me.
Courage and patience; transform me.
Make me your faithful child.

Ignite my soul with Your infinite love, O Lord.
Ignite my soul with Your infinite mercy, O Lord.
Ignite my soul with Your wisdom, O Lord.

By your flames, sanctify me.
By your flames, cleanse me.
By your flames, enrichen my ability to understand.
By your flames, make me a holy human.

In awe, let us look to you, O Lord.
In awe, let us sing praise!

When He comes, when we are filled with the power..
In awe, let us sing: Glory, glory, glory!
Glory, glory, glory to the King!

Come Holy Spirit,
enrichen me in love.
Come Holy Spirit,
send down your light.
Come Holy Spirit,
make me your Faithful servent.
Come Holy Spirit...
teach me simplicity.
Come Holy Spirit...
Free me from the enemy.

Come Holy Spirit...
Give me all the right words.
Come Holy Spirit...
_____________________

I put a trivia question on Twitter & Facebook.
The question basically was: "Three things inspired me to write this. Fire, love, and a painting from a certain event. The event can be found in the book of Acts. Which event is this?"

Answer: The Descent of the Holy Spirit.

The will of God

2010-03-16T17:04:00.000-04:00

My writings have been delayed a bit. I apologize. I've been sick. I still have a minor cough, but I'm getting energy back. Hopefully this writing makes up for loss time.
To my small group of amazing readers, I appreciate your prayers & your patience.

It is important for us to really know what the will of God is, and to live it out.
But, how can we do this if we don't really know what His will is? What if we don't know how to become Saints? Today I will be talking about the will of God.

You'd think that it'd be a simple thing to explain: "It's the 10 commandments!" and this is true.
But, we're also forgetting other parts of His will for all of us. The will of God for all of us is to get to Heaven so we can spend eternity with Him. It's for us to come to know Him, love Him, and serve Him. He calls us to be holy. In this world full of sin, how do we be holy? How can we come to know, love, and serve Him? It's certainly not easy. But, I believe God and the Catholic Church has so much to offer! We have so many things to help us on our journey to eternal salvation. We have the Saints to look up to. We have all the sacraments. We have Eucharistic Adoration. We have the Mass, which is the highest form of prayer. Holiness is a constant effort, and we aren't expected to reach perfection on earth. But, love is a choice we make. We choose to love our Lord. And by choosing to love our Lord, we are choosing to be holy.

How do we become Saints? We need to cooporate with God. Our brothers and sisters in Heaven that have gone before us are Saints because they followed God. They were (and still are) prophets of the nations. And what do I mean by this? I mean...they lived by example, they wrote, they put together Catholic organizations, they converted people,the list goes on. They are Saints because they did something. They took action. But, in order to be Saints, we need to be RADICALLY in love with our Lord! There are Saints that have died for their Faith. Obviously this won't be the way that everyone leaves this world. But, St. Paul says to "be dead to the world"..in other words.."Be dead to sin." If you're attached to a specific sin, getting rid of it will hurt. But, rejoice in the pain! The greatest form of love is to surrender. To give it all to God. If we follow this, then it it will show how radical our love truly is.

We are called to die to sin.
Mortuum mundo, vivum in Christo. (Dead to the world, alive in Christ)

Another thing we can do to be Saints is to do everything with love. Another thing Christ calls us to lay down our lives for others. This obviously takes a whole lot of love. A perfect example of someone that had great love for God, and did all things with love is St. Therese. I keep mentioning her, because truly..she's a great role model. When we do things, we should ask ourselves: "Is this an act of love?". With love, we can serve. We can serve by praying for the whole world, or even just a few people. We can give up things for others (ie: the conversion of sinners)

We can't experience the will of God, unless we are open to it. We have to constantly strive to stay holy, therefore..we must repent. We have to realize that it's God's way and not our way.
Through prayer, and openess, offer your body up as a living sacrifice.
Ask Him to live His life through you. Ask for holiness, and a holy desire--it's a grace!

Do all these things and...
...Thy will be done.

Let us strive every day to be holy. So that one day, we can see our family in Heaven.

A message from the Holy Father

2010-03-08T18:58:00.004-05:00

I thought this was so good.
I just had to share!

VATICAN CITY, MARCH 7, 2010

Benedict XVI says that God is good and cannot will evil, though in his plan of love, he sometimes allows his children to be tried through suffering to lead them to a greater good.
The Pope reflected today on the mystery of suffering when he addressed those gathered in St. Peter's Square to pray the midday Angelus.

The Holy Father spoke of the passage from today's Gospel, which recounts Pontius Pilate's order to have some Galileans killed in the Temple, and the collapse of a tower on some passers-by.
Since people had concluded that these deaths were the "effect of divine punishment, Jesus restores the true image of God, who is good and cannot will evil," the Pontiff explained.
He continued: "Jesus invites us to interpret these facts differently, connecting them with conversion: misfortunes, sorrowful events, should not arouse curiosity in us or a seeking of people presumed to be guilty, but they must be occasions for reflecting, for overcoming the illusion of pretending to live without God, and for reinforcing, with the Lord’s help, the commitment to change our life.

"In the face of sin, God shows himself to be full of mercy and he does not fail to call sinners to avoid evil, to grow in his love and to concretely help our neighbor in need, to live the joy of grace and not risk eternal death."

The Holy Father added that the "possibility of conversion entails that we learn to read the events of life in the light of faith, animated by the holy fear of God."
He said that in the presence of suffering or grief, "true wisdom is to let oneself be called from the precariousness of existence and to read human history with God’s eyes, who, always and only wanting the good of his children, by an inscrutable plan of his love, sometimes allows them to be tried through suffering to lead them to a greater good."

The Passion--thoughts

2010-03-06T17:25:00.002-05:00

Brothers and sisters in Christ,

I am going to speak about the Passion of Jesus Christ.

I honestly have to say that I am very attached to the passion. I like to meditate on it.

The sorrowful mysteries touch my heart very deeply. Because of Our Lady and her gift of the Rosary to us, I have found myself growing in knowledge and love towards the life of Jesus.

I often find myself in adoration, praying, and I just begin to wonder: "how?"

Not in doubt, but in awe.
How could He die for ME when MY sins crucified Him?!

How could Jesus survive the whippings?
How did Jesus deal with the emotional/spiritual pain?

He was humiliated, rejected, hated, and put to death.

I've found that adoration is kind of like my "pit stop" in my spiritual journey.
I can't carry my cross without it. It's through adoration I feel the strength and peace to keep moving. When I'm there, every wound doesn't seem to hurt when He's right there.
I focus on his passion, and that's when all pain begins to subside (temporarily, of course).

Uniting our sufferings and troubles with His is what we should all strive to do.
He is the greatest example of love & suffering that we have. When Jesus was suffering, He turned to God the Father. Now we are in the world, carrying our own crosses, and we must turn to God for strength. Our sufferings can be a fragrent offering, if we give it over to Him.

Do you think the enterance into heaven is easy? Do you think the only way to get there is by living a good and joyful life? No. Life won't always be joyful, and our good works won't be the only thing getting us to heaven. We need to suffer and accept it all. The thorns in our sides can save many souls. The thorns in our sides can take off our time in purgatory. We need to take our sufferings to God! It's through suffering we can experience love.

One thing Jesus said before He died was this:
"I thirst." And it's LOVE that will quench our Lord's thirst, not water. It's LOVE that He desires. He desires to be loved by all. His love & mercy is so great that He WANTS to share it. He wants everyone to experience His greatness. It displeases Him when there are those that choose not to follow Him. In His mind, I bet He's thinking: "If only you knew the greatness!"

During this season of Lent, let us work on taking these thorns, our every day sufferings, and really try our best to accept them for the greater good.
Let us take the time to pray the Rosary, and focus on the passion, so that we may grow in LOVE for You, Lord!

Behold me, my beloved Jesus,weighed down under
the burden of my trials and sufferings,I cast myself at Your feet,that You may
renew my strength and my
courage,while I rest here in Your Presence.Permit me to lay down my cross in
Your Sacred Heart,for only Your infinite goodness can sustain me;only Your love
can help me bear my cross;only Your powerful hand can lighten its weight.O
Divine King, Jesus,whose heart is so compassionate to the afflicted,I wish to
live in You;suffer and die in You.During my life be to me
my model and my support;At the hour of my death,be my hope and my
refuge. Amen.

Amor aeternus

2010-03-03T14:24:00.000-05:00

Life seems to be full of frustration. There's so much hate, anger, and despair. All of these emotions seem to come out in whatever we do.

Whenever we do something, we seem to complain.
Maybe it's because nothing is going our way.
Maybe it's because we aren't feeling well and don't want to do anything. But, you see....here's the funny thing. All these people that complain, made the choice to do something in the first place.
Are you mad at yourself for making that choice?

Why should one complain when they have made the choice to begin something? What we begin, is just part of the journey. Everything we do, should be for the glory of God. From beginning until end. Rather than complaining, we can use our minds. We can ask for the graces to get through.

We can make a sacrifice, and say: "Even though I don't want to do this, I will. For you, Lord." To do everything with a smile upon your face makes life a lot easier. And, enjoyable.

What good is life if we constantly pick out the negative? Life is a wonderful thing.
We were created in the image and likeness of God to come to know Him, love Him, and serve Him. How can we possibly do this if we complain about every little thing life has to offer us?

St. Therese is the perfect example of how we should live.
She said:

"Without love, deeds, even the most brilliant, count as nothing."

And it's so true. We shouldn't get by in life by just doing deeds.
We shouldn't do good deeds and expect something in return.
Instead, when we do deeds, we should do it with great love.
We should spread the message of love, because when we do, we are reflecting Christ.
Christ= love.

We don't have to do great deeds. They don't have to be extreme. It's the little things that are done with love that means a lot to God.

Every day, you should take a time to pray. Offer up your worries and troubles to God,
and ask for the graces to get through the day. In the morning, when you're having your breakfast..just talk to God. Allow everything within you to flow out. Allow the peace to enter into your soul, and then while the peace is there, go on with the day..doing little things with love.

Carrying your cross.

2010-02-25T22:37:00.000-05:00

"You must try to continually overcome yourself in those daily stuggles that the Lord presents to you." "Don't desire anything but what you are; concentrate on perfecting yourself and on carrying crosses, either small or large, that you will encounter on your journey to Heaven."- Back of a Padre Pio prayer card.

Every person that is living in this world goes through suffering. Maybe a small amount, maybe a large amount. But, no matter what the amount is, it's not easy.

What is the point in carrying our crosses? What does it mean to "carry our cross"?

To carry your cross, is to give up the right and expectation that you are not the one in control of your life. When you choose to carry your cross, you're making the choice by saying: "I'm dead, and Christ lives within me. This is no longer MY life. I live for CHRIST now." It involves suffering. It involves dying to self. It involves putting all your trust in God and letting Him take over.

Carrying our cross is day to day struggle, and we all have a choices we have to make. We can make good choices, or bad choices. A good choice would be this:

Let's say you can't stand this one person at school/work. You have the opportunity to complain about this person all the time, and be mean to this person, or you can simply smile whenever you see them. You can even pray for them. You can take this hardship and turn it into a wonderful thing. You can let it transform your soul.

You see, carrying our cross is a good thing! Because through suffering, there is love! It's difficult, but it's what we are all called to do. We must suffer and die to ourselves in order to carry our cross. And the best way to get a sense of suffering is through prayer. Especially through the Rosary. Our Blessed Mother will grant us the knowledge of her Son. She will help us understand what He went through. She will grant us the graces to get through each day if we ask. She wants us to ask.

St. Teresa of Avila said:

"We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to
bear the greatest trials."

Because they understood suffering. They didn't suffer alone, instead they took it, and walked with Christ. The Passion is the greatest example of love that we have to look at.

We should strive to emulate the Saints that DID go through hardships. That DID turn to God.

That DIDN'T give up. St. Monica is a wonderful example. She prayed for YEARS for her son (St. Augustine) to come back to the Catholic Faith. That must've caused great suffering, impatience, but she didn't give up. And now look at St. Augustine! He's a pretty well known Saint!

Our problems and situations may seem too much for us to handle, but God would never give us anything that we couldn't get through. It might be possible that we need help. Maybe from a friend...someone that can pray for us, give advice, just to help ease the burden.

The best thing we can do is pray without ceasing.

Love letter II

2010-02-17T13:13:00.019-05:00

O Lord,

I breathe in the knowledge of Your mind.
I breathe in Your love. The true kind.
I breathe in Your mercy which sets me free.

I take in the light You spread.
I take in Your body, blood, soul, and divinity. For You are my love.
I take in every moment You are near.

Oh, how I want to wake up and praise Your holy name.
Oh, how I want people to believe!
Oh, how want people to see what I see.

I desire for your thirst of love to be satisfied.
I desire for people to follow you, and flee from the father of all lies.
I desire to show the world love, for You.

Lord, I love to hear your people sing praise.
Lord, I love to see your creations.
Lord, you never cease to amaze.

Teach me your ways, Lord.
Teach me the ways of simplicity.

Teach me your ways, for I want to be set free.

Let your will be done by all mankind.

Let your will be done so we can set this world ablaze.

Let your will be done so we can get rid of the evil outrage.

Lord, make me Your Faithful servant.

The Importance of Silence

2010-02-17T10:52:00.001-05:00

“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.”
-Mother Teresa

We live in a crazy and noisy world. Everytime we get in the car, we turn on the radio.
If we are home, we watch TV or go on the computer. We never really let silence enter our lives.

I think part of the reason is that we are afraid. When we are silent, we are confronted with feelings we've never allowed ourselves to feel.

When I stayed at a retreat at a convent for a few days, I was faced with loneliness. I was faced with fear. And I was faced with pain. I wanted to run away at this point, I didn't want to be there. I shunned the whole thought of religious life at this point. Until, I talked with Mother. She said that I was facing feelings I would always run away from. She also said that it's a bit of a shock at first....coming from a noisy world, and into a prayerful and silent atmosphere. But, you begin to get used to it. You begin to feel the peace. Which is what happened to me.

Silence may result in pain for you, but don't let it scare you away.
Use the silence to pray. Take all your sufferings, your burdens, and your pain to our Lord and Saviour. He is LOVE! And He is there with open arms to comfort His children.

It's unfortunate how noisy our world is because God can be found in silence. Silence is a wonderful time to think about eternal goods. It's also the perfect time to pray to God, seeing as this is the season of Lent.

You hear stories of the Saints spending the rest of their lives in caves to get this silence.
There's obviously something special about silence, right? Silence is a way to flee from sin.

"The prophet says that silence shall cultivate justice in the soul; (Isaias, xxxii. 17) for, on the one hand, it saves us from a multitude of sins by destroying the root of disputes, of detractions, of resentments, and of curiosity; and on the other, it makes us acquire many virtues. How well does the nun practise humility who when others speak listens with modesty and in silence! How well does she practise mortification by not yielding to her inclination or desire to tell a certain anecdote, or to use a witty expression suggested by the conversation! How well does she practise meekness by remaining silent when unjustly censured or offended! Hence the same holy prophet said: In silence and in hope shall be your strength. (Isaias xxx. 15) Your strength shall be in silence and in hope; for by silence we shun the occasions of sin, and by hope we obtain the divine aid to lead a holy life."

You see, silence is not just about being in a silent room, and being prayerful. It's about silencing your tongue. It's our tongue that often gets us in trouble. When you speak, you should speak with wisdom and holiness. In other words, think before you speak.

All of us should bring the three S's into our daily lives:
simplicity, solitude, and silence.
It brings great peace to the mind and soul.

Personally, silence is something that I am attached to. I love it. I know how important it is.
When I'm in a noisy situation, I often put myself in a bubble. I first start out by noticing all the noise, then I try to find the softest sound and focus on that. I begin to fall into a trance, and I'm always left with silence.

If you're like me, you'll learn to really appreciate silence. Especially if it's hard to get.

Sometimes you just can't "tune things out" and I understand. Listening to Gregorian Chant has always helped me. It has always brought me into a contemplative and prayerful mood. For me, it always ends up resulting in silence. So many times I have felt broken, but I would listen to Gregorian chant and it would make me feel...alive again. It's like a spiritual remedy.
You forget all your worries, and you just feel like praising God. It's truly amazing.

So, I ask you to try adding some silence and solitude into your daily life. Maybe some Gregorian chant if you have to. Because, here we are in Lent, which is a time of renewal and great penance. It's a time to reflect on God. This is a perfect opportunity!
Silence is the key....

Our Vocation

2010-02-12T14:32:00.004-05:00

First of all, what is a vocation?

"A vocation is a call to that special walk in life ordained for us by God, part of a great divine plan. It is a mystery that man accepts and lives in the depth of his being, a gift and a grace, which we cannot truly grasp or understand. God Who loves us, Who is love, is also "He Who calls". Therefore in the presence of a vocation we can only adore the mystery, respond lovingly to the initiative of love, and say 'yes' to the call. At the heart of every vocation there is always Jesus, Who Himself explained, "You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit" (John 15:16). The response depends on the generosity of the heart of the one called, because He Who calls always leaves freedom of choice: If only you would listen to the Lord, the great Friend. He looks you in the eye and He speaks to your heart in the intimacy of personal prayer.(Quotations from Pope John Paul II on Vocations)"

We all go through a period of time where we wonder: “what am I meant to do in this lifetime?”Especially those that are graduating High School and are heading off to college. But, I think we tend to focus on our career only. Which, isn’t bad at all. Our career is definitely part of our “call”.

1 Corinthians 7:7 says this:

“Indeed, I wish everyone to be as I am, but each has a particular gift from God,
one of one kind and one of another.”

We all were made in the image and likeness of God. We all have certain gifts and abilities that God gave to us to do His work. But, we don’t often ask God: “How can I do Your work?” If we are good at writing, or singing, or whatever it may be, we need to take the time to ask God how to use these gifts. Until we are doing God’s will, we will never feel at peace. A favorite quote of mine is:

“Seeking God's will for your life... that is wisdom. Going outside of His will
brings misery. His will brings peace."
-Mother Margaret Mary from the
Children Of Mary.

Your gifts are your strong points. It's what you enjoy doing, what you feel passionate about. And chances are, sometimes it’s something that people will compliment you on. God gave you these things to do wonderful work.

There is also the priesthood, religious life, and married life. This is another part of vocation discernment. Those that are discerning their vocation would probably agree with me when I say this part of discernment is harder. It involves patience, a daily prayer life, and putting complete Faith in God. Patience is a grace that we must pray for, and understanding to know what great works He calls us to do.

There are many ways to feel called. But, for most it’s through prayer and adoration. It’s through prayer and adoration you come to know God and your own self.

Some just feel it. Some hear a voice, but this also takes a special gift.

For those that do not know, I have been discerning my vocation for a while now.
I have gotten to know myself better through adoration. I have developed a relationship with our Lord through adoration. I have also had many dreams.

Dreams can be a way that God speaks to us, and we know this by a great example: St. Joseph.

Those dreams that you really remember and that really stand out...pray about them. Because maybe God is trying to tell you something.

Don't try to figure your life out all alone. Do it with the help of God. Put Him in charge!

He knows what's best for each and every one of us. Pray to Jesus, Mary, and all of the Saints.

Also, study! Seek answers! Get a spiritual director. If you're interested in the priesthood/religious life- visit a seminary/convent. Send emails. Make phone calls. Go on retreats.

With marriage, the best thing to do is to just pray. Pray for the perfect man/woman to enter into your life. And be careful where you look for your spouse. I believe finding your future spouse in a Church, would be better than a bar. And last, but not least, don't settle for less than you deserve. There's a great book for women that I suggest reading:
"The ABC's of Choosing a Good Husband" there is also the guy version: "The ABC's of Choosing a Good Wife"

And I think I'll end this with a prayer.

O Holy Spirit, Spirit of wisdom and divine love, impart Your knowledge,
understanding, and counsel to youth that they may know the vocation wherein they
can best serve God. Give them courage and strength to follow God's holy will.
Guide their uncertain steps, strengthen their resolutions, shield their
chastity, fashion their minds, conquer their hearts, and lead them to the
vineyards where they will labor in God's holy service.
Amen.

Sexuality.

2010-02-05T07:40:00.002-05:00

Today I will be talking about a "hot topic". Sexuality.

My views on human sexuality match up to what the Catholic Catechism has to say. But, before I get condemned for my beliefs, let me just say that

The Church does recognize homosexuality as disordered, this doesn't really mean that the Church is heartless to those who suffer from the disorder. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states: "Men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies . . . must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided."3

Personally, I'm not a homophobic. I've had two bisexual friends. I've never been one for discrimination of ANY kind. Race, religion, sexuality, whatever it is.

We have to remember that everyone has been created in the image and likeness of God and deserves to be treated as such. No matter what.
As the famous saying goes.......hate the sin, love the sinner.

"MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED THEM . . "

"God created man in his own image . . .

male and female he created them" He blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply"

So, here we have proof that God made man and female. Adam and Eve.

What was their purpose as man and female? To procreate. To "be fruitful and multiply"

"They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved."4

2332 Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others.

A woman and a woman can't bond during sex the way a man and a woman can.
A man and a man can't bond during sex the way a man and a woman can.

It doesn't work! I suppose you can try to make it work, but it's distorted!

It's not how we were designed by God, which is why it's going against the natural law.

Sex is supposed to be a beautiful thing shared between a husband and wife.

It's a way of a couple bonding, communicating, procreating. There is unity. You can actually give all of yourself to your spouse. Sex is supposed to be an act of giving: "I give all of myself to you".

But when you aren't married, or able to procreate, what left is there to give?

It's everything God had planned it to be.

"I WAS BORN THIS WAY . "

Some claim to be born with this, but I digress.

Nobody chooses to become an alcoholic. But, one can make alcohol a habit.

Someone can acquire alcoholic desires by always being drunk without consciously choosing them.

So, someone may acquire homosexual desires (by engaging in homosexual fantasies or behavior) without consciously choosing them.

And think about it. Why do we find certain things stimulating? Certain scents...looks...the way someone dresses...whatever it is. It only makes sense if homosexuals have their own thoughts that they find are "stimulating".

As Catholics we need to pray for these people with distorted thinking.

"See you in hell!"

2010-02-04T00:01:00.006-05:00

Sometimes I hear people say things like: "See you in hell!"These are people that go out there and do whatever they want and they think it's okay. Why? Because they think hell will be one big party. They probably think they'll have a few drinks and have get to have fun with their friends.
This isn't true at all.

Socializing, friendships, it all involves love- which is of Christ. The absence of love would be loneliness. Hate.

Humans are designed to love. It's what we all seek for. Pure loneliness is probably one of the worst things a human can feel.

Just think about this-
Hell wouldn't be a place of punishment if there was love. It wouldn't be a place of suffering.
There wouldn't be fallen souls calling out for God. There wouldn't be a purpose for hell.

Satan is the destroyer. The father of all lies. And he works in very sly ways.
He doesn't care about you. He only cares about your soul. Your soul is all he truly wants.
If you have Faith, he will work extremely hard to get you.

But, we have to remember that God is stronger than Satan will ever be. We have God and He'll protect us and guide us. He'll give us everything that He feels is nescessary. He wants what is best for us....why? Because He loves us! So much!

In conclusion- flee from all evil. Experience the love of God. Pray for holiness.

"I have found that crying hasn't gotten me anywhere. If it's suffering that I must bear, then, I accept all, Lord."

2010-01-30T00:49:00.006-05:00

I apologize for my lack of writing.
I went to the March for Life which went very well. I'm all rested now.
I've also had trouble finishing things I've started.

Anyway, recently, on Facebook I had my status as:
"I have found that crying hasn't gotten me anywhere.
If it's suffering that I must bear, then, I accept all, Lord."

I'm going to get into that.
Today I'm going to let you get inside my head.

_______________________________

Ever since I was a little girl, I've known about suffering. I remember days where I would complain about something and my parents would say things like: "offer it up". But, usually, that's all they would say. They never really went into much detail.
I still understood the whole concept of suffering. I knew it was an act of love.
All I had to do was look at the cross. I didn't need someone to explain it to me.

During my childhood, I was really into the martyrs. My favorite was St. Joan of Arc.
For me, she was a symbol of strength.

I think because of her, I became a strong, stubborn, and determined person.

But, as I grew older, I ran into obstacles. My life became more difficult.
In the beginning, I didn't turn to God when I suffered. Because of this, I became a pretty angry person. I didn't turn to God until I hit rock bottom.
It took a whole lot of prayer for me to change. And, I wouldn't stop praying until I reached change.

Now? Well, now I'm doing better. My Faith is strong.

My favorite Saint as of now is St. Rita. And I've been reading a book about her.
There's a part that I can relate to. Word for word.

"St. Rita meditated on the mysteries of our Holy Faith, but her favorite
meditation was the passion of Jesus Christ. Many times while meditating on
this great mystery she would fall into a trance, and on recovering her
senses it would seem as if she had been suffering a mysterious martyrdom in
the interior of her soul. She was also very devout to Jesus in the Blessed
Sacrament, and she made as many visits as possible to her parish church. For
she dearly loved to be near that fire of divine love, and never wished to
leave it."

St. Rita's favorite meditation was always the passion. It's always been mine, too.
When I meditate on the passion of Christ, I find myself aching more than usual.
Every time I meditate on the sorrowful mysteries, it hurts. Like St. Rita, I fall into a trance.
When I do, I don't really feel connected to the world. It's a weird feeling. Every time, I feel the passion happening--sort of. I feel like I'm walking, and I'm restless from carrying the weight of my cross. And I don't "snap out of it" until I feel the comfort of God--(Which is after I'm done saying the Rosary.)

By the grace of God, I have gotten over many hills.
But there are still heartaches that stem from situations I cannot control. I guess these things would be my cross. My "martyrdom".

I've come to realize that loving is not easy. It's not always a sappy and warm feeling.
Sometimes, it actually hurts.

Think about it, if you had a friend that did drugs, how easy would it be for you to love them?
I'm not in this situation currently, but have been. It's hard to watch the person you love waste their life away. Now, imagine it being hard to love...all the time.

Anyway, I feel called to suffer, to love, no matter how hard it is for me to do so, and to be an example.
I've always been fascinated by those that suffer greatly.
I've been tested so much in my life, and maybe this is why.

The journey won't be easy. I am going to need prayers.

Love Letter

2010-01-20T16:05:00.000-05:00

I'm going to be starting a new thing.
It's just going to be me writing a love letter to our Lord. I think I'm going to try to do this every Wednesday.
__________

O Lord, I continue to see, Your abiding love for me. You stay with me, every day. You hold me when I cry. I look out and see, all the beauty which You have made. It's unfortunate how people hear your name, then fade. It's unfortunate how people can be so blind. But, I will always call you mine.

I've been through many struggles and heartaches, but through prayer, I've been renewed.
And I owe it all to you.
Thank you, Lord.

When people hurt you, they hurt me, too.
The pain is like a thorn in my side.
Humanity makes me cry. How dare you insult the man that I call mine.

I pray people make a change before the big sleep.
Hey all you people, the end could come in a week.

Lord, my soul is yours to keep.

I love You! I adore You!
Everything I do, I want to reflect You!
My only desire is to know You, love You, and serve you.

You captivate my thoughts.
My soul is overwhelmed and beating with joy.
I feel your presence all around me.
And in the air that I breathe.

Because all life is precious.

2010-01-17T22:46:00.003-05:00

Tonight, I was able to witness a pro-life talk that was given by an amazing speaker, Bryan Kemper. And, none of my writings have been really focused on "hot topics" such as abortion. With the anniversary of Roe VS Wade coming up, I believe it's appropriate to write this now.

Let's cover some facts, first.

How many abortions are performed in America?

One out of every 4 babies conceived in the United States is aborted. In more than 14 metropolitan areas, abortions outnumber live births. More than 40 million abortions have occurred since 1973. Each year 1.2 million babies die by abortion.

Why are abortions preformed?

Women choose abortion for many reasons, but the most common reasons have to do with financial issues, the responsibility, fear, and the main fact that they aren't READY.

How can we avoid this?

We abstain from sex. I know what people are thinking: "What?!? Are you serious?!" Yes, I am. Because, quite frankly, birth control is not 100% effective. Nor are condoms. If you can't handle the responsibility of a baby, then you can't handle the responsibility of sharing something so special between a man and woman. The whole purpose of why many wait until marriage, is because they want to save it. They find it something special. They want to give their spouse everything. The issue with pre-marital sex and trying to use birth control is this: You aren't giving your partner everything. The whole point in sex is to give your whole self. When you say: "I just want to give you my body, and not the pro creating aspect of me" it doesn't work.

What about rape/incest?

First, let me just say that my heart goes out to those that have been sexually abused.

No one should have to go through that. Or any form of abuse.

And second, the percentage of getting pregnant by incest or rape is about 1%.
I'm someone that believes in other options, such as adoption. There are plenty of families that are willing to adopt, that can't have children of their own. As a woman that has a condition called: Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome, I believe it might lessen my chance of having children. I'm not quite sure how fertile I am. So, to know that there's the option of adoption is wonderful.

__________________

I find abortion just terrible. We are living in our own modern day holocaust. Since 1973, more babies have died from abortion, than people that were killed in the holocaust. Did you hear that? Since 1973, more babies have died from abortion, than people that were killed in the holocaust. WHY? It's sick, and the only reason why we are 37 years into this is because nobody has taken this seriously. Nobody has been a voice. As Christians, we need to come together and BE a voice for the babies! We can put an end to abortion! But, we need to start somewhere.

We need to pray. We need to show others that we are pro-life. And, not only towards babies. But, we need to show love to those that are born and unborn. Even if they don't treat you with love, love them anyway. God has created life, therefore all life is precious.

If any woman got an ultra sound, they would realize that YES, in the womb there IS a baby!

And its life began at conception. When the sperm met with the egg.

______________

Month 1-

Your baby is an embryo consisting of two layers of cells from which all her body parts and organs will form from.

Month 2-

Your baby is about the size of a kidney bean and is constantly moving. Your baby also has slightly webbed fingers.

Month 3-

By now your baby is about 3 inches long and weighs nearly an ounce. Her tiny and unique finger prints are in place.

Month 4-

Your baby is about 5 inches long now, and weighs 5 ounces. The skeleton is starting to harden.

Month 5-

Eyebrows and eyelids are now in place. The baby would be 10 inches, if the legs were stretched out.

Month 6-

The baby weighs about a pound and a half. The wrinkled skin is starting to smooth out as the baby puts on baby fat.

Month 7-

By now your baby weighs bout 3 pounds and is more than 15 inches long. The baby can open and close its eyes, and follow a light.

Month 8-

Your baby weighs about 4 3/4 pounds now. The layers of fat are filling him out, and the lungs are developed.

Month 9-

By now, babies are usually 19 inches and weigh about 7 lbs on average. But, it varies.

_____________

You can't tell me that life doesn't begin at conception when ALL of this takes place starting from day one. You can't tell me that it's RIGHT to kill a human life.

How do you think the baby feels about this? They deserve a shot at life.

Please, be voice. Help bring an end to abortion.

Beauty in this world.

2010-01-16T14:16:00.000-05:00

Continuing on sometime I wrote a little while ago....

We often complain too much. This is why we are never happy. We always are complaining about something. We can never be satisfied. Let's face it, this storm will never pass as long as there is evil in this world. We must learn to dance in the rain.

Because we complain so much, it's hard for us to see the beauty in every day life.
I think we tend to take advantage of so many things.

Recently, a terrible earthquake hit Haiti which has resulted in many deaths. Those that are living, are suffering and are living in poverty.

And even though what happed in Haiti is a terrible situation, I somehow believe that good can come from this. I believe that good already is coming from this.
I believe it's bringing unity. People are working together. People are praying.

But, moving on..

We're never satisfied, as humans.
We always have to have the latest gadget. We tend to think that as long as we have stuff, we'll be happy. In reality, we are trying to fill a void. A void that can't be filled, unless it's by God Himself. God is love, and He will fill us up.

God is everywhere. And, if we can try to find God in everything, then I believe we can be more happy. God can be seen in nature, because He created it.

Instead of saying: "I hate snow!" Look at how it sparkles when the sun hits it. Instead of saying: "I hate rain!" Imagine how things would be without it. Everything would die. It's a natural way to give plants a good watering.

There's music, and art, and books. So many things to remind us that life is beautiful. And of course, there's the Mass, the most beautiful thing on earth.

All humans withold beauty. Even if they seem horrible.
We should love them, as Christ has loved us. We don't have to be their friend, but we have to love them. Love them and pray for them.

Everything we do, we should do with love.
It's easy to complain, but complaining has never has fixed anything.
And loving just feels better! It warms your entire heart, until it's about to burst.

St. Therese Said:

"Without love, deeds, even the most brilliant, count as nothing."

So, love. Take the time to admire the beauty that God has created.
Try to find good in everything, as bad as it may seem.

Driving through life.

2009-12-30T20:11:00.000-05:00

While one is driving, they shouldn't text while doing so. As drivers, we need to be prepared for anything that may happen. As drivers, we need to pay attention.

When we lose focus, that is when we open ourselves to danger.

Our spiritual life is kind of the same way.

Everyone's destination should be to get to the Kingdom of Heaven

There may be strong Christians out there that have gotten off track. That haven't really been "focused". That have fallen down a road of evil, thus causing them to drift from God.

You see, it is when we allow ourselves to get weak, that everyting goes wrong.
When our inner wold is drab, the attack of satan is much more successful.

The Catholic Catechism says the purity of heart will enable us to see God. It will bring clarity.
Sometimes we weaken ourselves because we are being weighed down by sin.
Sometimes we are lost in all the evil, that nothing seems to make sense. We lose our sense of direction. And while we are lost, and lonely, and yerning for something, Satan attacks.

How do we fight this? By simply educating ourselves. By prayer. By partaking in the Sacraments: Confession and Holy Communion.
It's important to know what the Church is teaching, how Satan works, and how God works.
We will never understand everthing in this lifetime, but by having some understanding we can be prepared for challenges that come our way. We'll be able to answer questions that we are faced with.

Without knowledge, we'd live a life with very little direction.
We'd often get lost.

There are drivers out there that know the roads well.
That can take short cuts.
That can give good directions somewhere.

If we are this experienced on the road, why can't we be this experienced with our Faith?

So much wisdom and understanding will pay off in the end.
If we get to heaven, there will be different "levels" in some sense.
For example, I am not as smart as St. Thomas Aquinas. He has a better understanding of things than I do. So, he's in Heaven with his level of knowledge, and with his level of knowledge, he knows more and understands more. And he is satisfied with what he knows. If I got to heaven, I wouldn't understand everything that he knows. I'm not that smart. But, I would be satisfied anyway...because it's what I understand.

So, read. Stay focused. Pray. Educate yourself.
Be experienced

May Our Spirits Be Open to the True Spiritual Light

2009-12-23T11:41:00.000-05:00

Christmas is a celebration of Jesus coming into the world. He came into this world, and died for for all of us – believers and non-believers. His birth should bring us hope.
And let's thank our Blessed Mother, Mary! She carried, in her womb, Christ our Savior.
Because Mary allowed God for this to happen, we can now recieve so many graces.

Christmas is a time to prepare one self for the birth of Christ. The best way to do this is by prayer. Grow in your relationship with Christ. Ask Him if there's anything you need to change.

Think of Christmas as this interior light. A divine light that presents to us the victory of the love of God over sin and death. Everyone has heard of the story of the star and the three wiseman, and how the star guided the wisemen. Jesus is our star. And we are the wisemen.
He will guide us. So, this Christmas, may our spirits be open to the true Spiritual Light.

Another thing:

"The feast of Christmas coincides, in our hemisphere, with the time of the year in which the sun ends its descending parabola and begins the phase in which the time of daylight increases gradually, according to the successive course of the seasons. This helps us to understand better the subject of light that prevails over darkness. It is a symbol that evokes a reality that affects man's inner being: I am referring to the light of good that overcomes evil, of love that overcomes hatred, of life that conquers death."

"Christmas makes us think of this interior light, of the divine light that presents to us again the proclamation of the definitive victory of the love of God over sin and death. "

Enjoy this blessed Christmas. Celebrate it with your loved ones.

___________________________________________________

Antiphon: December 21st-

O Rising Dawn, Radiance of the Light eternal and Sun of Justice:
come and enlighten those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death.

Isaiah 9:1:
"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light. Upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom a light has shone".

Malachi 3:20:
"For you who fear my name, there will arise the sun of justice with its healing rays".

2 Peter 1:19:
"Keep your attention closely fixed on it, as you would on a lamp shining in a dark place, until the first streaks of dawn appear and the morning star rises in your heart".

Prayer.

2009-12-14T23:52:00.000-05:00

I am going to talk about prayer-
Here are some tips.

Pray without ceasing.
God is our best friend, and He wants to know everything going on in our lives. He wants us to form a wonderful relationship with Him. But, in a relationship, one person should not have to do all the talking. It goes both ways. So, be open to listening, as well.

Get a prayer life!
It doesn't have to be long. Maybe 5 minutes when you wake up. And another 5 minutes before you go to bed. Spread it apart if you have to! Make your shower time your prayer time.

Ask and you shall receive. .
God can do all things! God will answer, if it is in His will. But, keep in mind, He may not answer your prayers the way you think would be best. Also, pray with confidence!

Pray for others.
We know we aren't the only ones that struggle in this life. Therefore, it is wise of us to pray for others.

Involve your whole soul and body into prayer.
Body language is a huge form of communication, and you'll notice during Mass there is a lot of body language. Sitting, kneeling, standing, bowing, hands raised, our are hands folded, etc. You can pray in any way, but you have to make time for it.

Thank God!
Thank Him for all that He has done. Our loving and merciful Father sent His only Son to die on the cross for our sins. He is worthy of a thank you. Even if things don't seem right in your life, He's worthy of a thank you for giving you a life. For giving you a million chances to keep on striving to better your life.

Prayer is powerful, and never goes to waste.
It is powerful because God is powerful. And God's power is love. He sheds His love on us all.
And if God thinks we aren't really in need of these prayers, it will go to someone that is more in need.

Be satisfied.

2009-11-30T00:42:00.000-05:00

We often complain too much. This is why we are never happy. We always are complaining about something. We can never be satisfied. Let's face it, this storm will never pass as long as there is evil in this world. We must learn to dance in the rain. We must learn to accept the fact that God allows horrible things to happen. It is through Him, that we can find strength, comfort, love, and hope to overcome everything. But, we can't overcome anything by prayer alone. Prayer helps, but we need to take part in the sacraments as well.

Friends

2009-11-24T11:41:00.000-05:00

In our lives, we will meet people. People that we will get along with, and have stuff in common with.
And we'll call them our friends.

But, Scripture tells us to be careful when it comes to choosing friends. We can't be friends with everyone because there are some people that might be a bad influence. This is why we must choose our friends carefully.

Sometimes, God will send people into our lives for whatever reason. And sometimes, we have to ask.

I remember going through a period of time where I was frustrated with the friends I had, and they were mainly all girls. And let's face it, sometimes girls can be pretty stupid. I wanted a good guy friend at this point. So, I began praying for months...and months...

Until, Summer of 06. My dad picked up a church bulletin and it was advertising some Catholic Youth event called "The Fest". The Fest is Catholic event. Christian bands play, there's Mass, games, etc. I was hesitant about going, because I didn't really like Christian music at the time, and I just thought it would be boring. But, I has a forceful feeling, and I couldn't say no to it. I so ended up going. And I had the most fun ever. I met some really good friends that day, friends that I'm still close with. And one of them is a guy, who I believe was sent to me by God. He's like no other friend I've ever had before. We've never fought. He doesn't judge me for anything. He's understanding, kind, and very funny. He actually encourages me in my Faith, he doesn't bring it down. And, I love that. These are the kind of friends that God wants us to have. It's amazing to have friends that can you can share anything with-good or bad. God places these people in our life for a reason. Because, with these people, we can probably learn from them and help each other become better people.
And, if we all share the same Faith, it makes it easier to pray for each other/educate each other on things.

St. John Vianney said:
You cannot please both God and the world at the same time, They are utterly opposed to each other in their thoughts, their desires, and their actions.

We cannot please our so called "friends" and serve our Lord at the same time.
Those that are true friends will want what's best for us spiritually.
But since we tend to choose the wrong friends, we are caught in the middle.
We try to please the world and God at the same time. It doesn't work that way.
It's either one or the other. Heaven or Hell. And, the majority of the world is so evil.
Sex. Killing. Sin. Drugs. Porn. Drinking. Shoplifting. Etc. To have friends that promotes these things puts you in an awful spot.

Live for God. Love the people that he sends into your life.
Hundreds of years ago, St. Catherine of Siena said, “If you are what you should be, you will set the world on fire.” So, let us do that. Let us strive to be our best. Let us pray for change in the world. Let's be amongst good people. People that can encourage our Faith.

My message to you.

2009-11-18T13:57:00.000-05:00

I believe I have a "prophetic" gift, because of so many spiritual dreams and experiences i've had.

I never thought much of any of this, until now.
Maybe, it means something. Maybe I'm supposed to send out a message. So, that's what I'm going to do now.

When I was a young girl, I would always watch EWTN at night before going to bed. My favorite show on there was Mother Angelica. When I was six years old, I decided I wanted to be just like her.

At the same age, I had a spiritual dream.

I was living in a house. It looked haunted, almost.
My mother's bathroom was made out of pure gold.
The walls, sinks, everything was just gold.
I remember seeing the devil appear in the middle of the house, and he started destroying everything in sight. But, the only object that I really remember him destroying is the computer.

Now, here's my thoughts on it:

I think this dream means that the world is blind. They can't see the battle between good VS evil because our focus isn't of anything "Spiritual" We often worry about what next fancy thing we need to have to be "happy." (I think this is what the gold bathroom means)

We need to open up our eyes. Satan's army is sneaky. They lie. They deceive. They get you hooked on the wrong things.
This world is full of sin, and just the internet world is awful. Google the word "porn" and you get
219,000,000 results. Google the word "sex" and you get 96,600,000 results. Google "gay pornography" and you get 16,700,000 results. It's everywhere! Satan is seeking the ruin of souls, and the internet is the perfect way to do it. Trust me.

Webcams/Cyber sex
This is a perfect way to commit a grave sin. And not only you are comitting a grave sin, but the other person is as well.

The internet is probably the biggest trap. In my dream, it was not the devil destroying the computer. He was destroying the souls that are trapped "inside the computer".

"The attack has a much better chance of success when the man's whole inner world is drab and cold and empty." (The Screwtape Letters- Chapter 9)

This is why it's important to stay close to God through frequent prayer, frequent confession, and frequent Holy Communion. Cars need gas to run, correct? Our soul needs spiritual food and knowledge, otherwise it will wither away because the enemy will grasp onto it.

In my dream, an angel defeated Satan. I believe this is a sign that if you choose to stay close to Jesus, Mary, and all the Saints....the enemy will be defeated. Heaven always wins. Always.

Rule: Do not let yourself get bored! It is when we are bored, we sin. We seek excitment.
There are plenty of ways to keep busy, without sinning. Just going outside for a walk helps.
I enjoy baking bread, personally. I also enjoy writing. I suggest listening to gregorian chant at some point every day. It's spiritual music and prayer for the soul. It's uplifting, yet sad at the same time. It brings peace, and allows your mind to focus only on God.

The battle: Heaven VS Hell.

2009-11-17T23:04:00.000-05:00

So, tonight my mind is wandering. And, I came up with something really interesting. Catholicism is a lot like the game chess. It's a battle, pretty much. You have two different teams. White and black. (Good and evil). You're never alone in this battle. The white has these pieces to help you along during the game. Same with the black.

White(good) team:
"Bishops"= Religious men and women.
"Knights"= The angels and Saints
"Queen"= Mary.
"King"= Jesus.
"Pawns"=Regular people that are faithful.
"Rooks"= Church/Mass

Black (evil) team:
"Bishops"= demons.
"Knights"= demons.
"Queen"= The devil's servant.
(eg: What Wormwood was to Screwtape)
"King"= The devil.
"Pawns"=Those that deny Christ.
"Rooks"= The sin in this world.

In the beginning of time...

God created the angels. A certain angel, who went by the name of Lucifer, was the highest angel in Heaven. Until he got greedy, and prideful. He wanted to be above God. This caused a battle between Heaven and Hell. An angel who now is very popular and well known, defeated Lucifer. He goes by the name of St. Michael the Archangel. Lucifer was cast into hell along with those that decided to follow him. Lucifer is now the "prince of darkness". The one that "seeks the ruin of souls". The "devil". "Satan".

Fast forwarding a bit..
God created a man, and a woman. Adam and Eve. They were told by God to not to eat the fruit off of this tree. But, they did. They were tricked and deceived by Satan himself. He worked in his sly ways to make it seem "okay". Because of their fall we have to endure the pain and suffering in this world. We have to endure evil.

I know the evil in this world is there. The Pope says we are living in a culture of death, and it's true. Death because there's so much evil and hatred in this world. So much hatred for human life. Abortion, euthanasia, human cloning, etc. Once you give the big "okay!" to all of this, then it's suddenly okay to kill random people that are simply living out of the womb! It's okay to murder. It's okay to bully innocent people. We have no respect for people any more! And don't say you are "pro-choice". That's just a liberal term to water down what you really are. You're pro-death. I understand there are those that "claim" they are pro-life, but "respect the freedom of choice".
Again, what choice? The choice to kill? Yes, how lovely. Did you ask the baby if they wanted to die? When I hear people say they are "pro-choice" I know which battle they are fighting in.
They are fighting in Hell's army. And these are the people that make me cry.
How I mourn the loss of good for these people. It makes me sick. It makes me cry.
Satan has blinded many, unfortunately. And, even worse, many of them are "Catholics". I put Catholics in quotations because these "Catholics" that vote for Obama, don't go to Mass, use birth control, etc. Are making ALL of us look like fools. And the perfect example for this is VP Joe Biden.

St. John Vianney said it perfectly- "You cannot please both God and the world at the same time, They are utterly opposed to each other in their thoughts, their desires, and their actions."

This is not what the church has taught us.

As Catholics, it is our obligation to vote pro-life. End of story.
Even if you don't agree with the person on other things.

If we don't fight in this spiritual battle, who will?
If the Catholics just end up not caring, the devil will win.

Birth control and abortion has killed off GENERATIONS and it's damaging the Catholic Church.
People are worried about the world being "over populated". Haha. People die all the time! God wouldn't let the world get over populated. We are UNDER populated now. We are in need of priests, that's how bad things have gotten.

Heaven VS Hell is battling. Constantly. I've seen an angel. I've felt the presence of a demon.
I've seen angels and demons battling in my dreams. Our Lady gave us a powerful weapon to defeat evil. The Rosary. It's a simple prayer. And if you don't know how, you can always google it. You don't even have to say the full Rosary. Just one decade is wonderful.
Mix it up throughout the day. Catholics, stop waving the white flag. You have God on your side. You can help us defeat evil! You can make a difference! Remember, it's God that defeated Satan once before.

Pray without ceasing.
Receieve the Sacraments frequently.
Go to Mass often.
Pretend like you are sailing a ship. Don't sail in unknown dangerous areas.
Instead, sail your boat between Jesus and Mary. Let them be the center of things.

This will make it harder on the devil to say "check mate".

Suffering

2009-11-17T14:34:00.000-05:00

I am going to be talking about how to be a hero through suffering.
First of all, suffering is not a bad thing. It can be a wonderful thing depending on how we respond to it. We have a choice to be like Christ, by turning suffering into a good thing, or we can waste it.
Great things can come from suffering, and we have great examples to prove this.
Look at our Blessed Mother, she suffered greatly! If you're like me, and don't really have a strong relationship with Mary, it's never to late to start. Jesus loved His mother, and if we are supposed to be like Christ, then we should love His mother too. Mary holds many graces that she will give to help us if we ask her. We don't have to suffer alone. I think that we should let her help us.
Padre Pio, is another great example of suffering. He carried the wounds of Christ

brought on by the Stigmata.
He has a wonderful motto that we all should live by.
"Pray, hope, and don’t worry."

Pray- That's probably our best solution.
Hope- Is lacking in this world. Hopelessness....despair...confusion...it's all caused by Satan. That's why it's best to hope. To know that things can get better.
Don't worry- Think about it, would Christ put us through something that we couldn't
overcome?

If you are young, you probably don't have big sufferings, but I'm sure there's little sufferings you have. Maybe it's stuff like.... not being able to get a new gaming system you want.
Or, maybe you are told to go clean your room, but you really don't want to because your favorite TV show is about to start.

If you're in your teen years, things get harder. There will be struggles that you will face, and maybe are facing. They all probably have to do with friends, stuff going on at school, relationships, temptaions of sex. You're not the only one, but you don't have to go through it alone. None of it is hopeless!

Whatever it is, we have the greatest weapon that was given to us. The Rosary. Padre Pio was never without his Rosary. He constantly prayed. I've noticed that when I pray the Rosary I find peace within me
There's little sufferings we can make every day.
For example, your mother tells you to clean your room.
You really don't want to, because your favorite show is about to start.
You can disobey and say "not right now"
Or you can do what you're told, but complain about it. --In this case, suffering is a waste.
Or, you can offter it up for anything you wish.
Suffering a choice. We were never promised that it would be easy, just that it would be worth it. The best way to suffer, is with the man that suffered the most. Jesus Christ. Suffering with him brings more peace and happiness. So, when you're faced with suffering, think about how you really want to react towards it. Do you want to be like Padre Pio, or do you just want to be hopeless and face the situation alone?

Set Me Free...

2009-11-17T13:48:00.000-05:00

I believe we all have a "demon". And by that, I mean a certain "sin" that we are attached to. It seperates us from God. And, the second we seek God, we get sucked back in. We're trapped in chains, and we need to be set free through graces.

Our Lady said:
"These rays symbolize the graces I shed upon those who ask for them.
The gems from which rays do not fall are the graces for which souls forget to ask."

And our Lord and Savior has endless love and mercy for us. We are weak, and we are sinners. We often fall short of His glory. But, God wants us to come to Him with all our struggles and sufferings. He wants to help us. He's our Father, and we are His children. He wants to hold us in His arms. He not only wants to be our Father, but our best friend.

This isn't easy though. Not with all the evil in the world. And once Satan finds your weakness, he'll keep working with that. He'll trick you. He'll decieve you. He'll lie to you. He'll work in his sly ways to seperate you from God.
It's a constant battle. We constantly have to ask for forgivness through the sacrament of reconciliation.

We are involved in a spiritual battle, and hell's army uses big guns. It's hard to survive out there. You have to know your Faith. You have to pray. You have to sail your ship through the two rocks: Mary and Jesus.
The devil will be making the waters rough, but get a firm grasp on the wheel.
Don't let the devil win.

If you keep praying and begging God to set you free of your chains, He will.
I have no doubt of that.

I found a dark infernal place, I don't want to face anymore..

2008-12-01T12:15:00.000-05:00

I was listening to a song this morning by a Christian band called "Demon Hunter".
They have an amazing song called "The Tide Began To Rise".

A really good line from the song:

So now I’m stuck here between the guilty and the insincere

When I first heard this song, I had no idea what it meant. Had no clue what that one line meant. Now, everything sense because it's exactly what I have been feeling.
We're always sinning. We hate it, but at the same time we're so darn attached to it.
Because we are attached to sin, we keep pulling ourselves away from God.
We know we're guilty, but when we've done it so many times, the deep apologetic feeling doesn't always seem to be there.

I have come to a conclusion, I am never going to get to the spiritual level I want to be at, if I don't try harder to take the sin out of my life.
Yes, it's hard.
But, it's a wake up call....
the only person we should strive to get closer to, and change for is Jesus.

Somehow I won't stop feeding the pain..
My hearts just the same as before..

In a state of sin, our soul is black.
The more we sin, the more easier it becomes to sin.
Ever get that feeling like there's an ache in your heart, and weights on your shoulders?
Ever noticed you have that feeling when you are in a state of sin?
You are being weighed down by sin. You're letting yourself drowning in it.
It hurts, yet we continue to feed it. If you're like me, you'll get frustrated.
You'll be sick of your heart being "just the same as before".

Some advice to help you:

Don't get stuck in the dark infernal place, where sinning becomes a huge habit.

Keep your Sanctifying Grace active.

Which means, avoid mortal sin, at all costs. That kills your Sanctifying Grace.

Go to confession often, and receive Commuion often.

I may edit this later.

I promise, you're beautiful.

2008-11-24T11:45:00.001-05:00

This entry is going out to all the women out there, and all the men.

To put it bluntly-I am so sick of every one dealing with low self-esteem. "I'm ugly" "I'm fat"..etc. Shush! You are not. God created each and every person in the image and likeness of Him. Now, I'm probably going to sound like a hypocrite, because even I suffer from this.
Do you know what I do, though? I accept it. I decide to accept who I am. Will I change? No.
Is our body important? No, it's not. Our body is only temporary, and is on this earth until we die.
Our soul is immortal. Our soul lives on. You see, the media has destroyed the meaning of beauty. We have girls thinking they have to be a size zero, and look like a model.
We have guys thinking the same thing. Girls aren't the only one that suffer from self-esteem issues. Guys do too, they feel like they can't meet up to all these standards.
They feel like girls only like guys with six packs, and all that. We have been lied to, and we are told we have to look this way if we want to be "accepted" in this world. You know what?
Forget what everyone else thinks, you should only be accepting yourself. Never change for anyone. (Unless, for the better. Example: Stop smoking for someone.)

Ladies,
You don't have to be a size zero.
You don't have to have a nice chest...bigger doesn't mean better. Heck, bigger would just cause pain.
You don't have to have blonde hair.
You don't have to have blue eyes.

Guys,
You don't have to have the perfect muscular body.
You can still be attractive even with "man boobs".

You just have to be you. Why? Because inner beauty is what being "beautiful" is all about.
Your appearence doesn't matter. Everyone has inner beauty, and no one will see that, unless you accept who you are as a person. Simply smiling at someone, could be a way to let that beauty shine out. I read this on a website, and I'll quote it because it's so true.

"The beauty looked at with eyes doesn't last forever. Instead of concentrating on outer beauty, we should concentrate on inner beauty. The point is that inner beauty is more important than outside beauty. So, if we make the effort to make our minds beautiful, we'll be happier."

Love yourself, for who you are.

Ask yourself this...

Would you rather be happy, and live life not caring what you look like?
Or would you rather be miserable, hating yourself, and always having to worry about every flaw

Wake up! We all have flaws! The person that's typing this darn thing right now has acne, and isn't exactly the skinniest. So, should I let my looks control my life? Or, should I simply accept who I am, and move on with life? Most people let their looks control their life, I prefer the latter. Accept who you are, and move on. There are more important things to worry about, and the outer looks certainly don't matter. Especially, since that we are not going to be here forever.

That's all I have to say for now.

~Layna

Ps. I promise, you're beautiful.
It's your choice to believe that, or not.

God's happiness VS Satan's.

2008-11-24T11:39:00.000-05:00

I actually wrote this back in May of 07. But, I still like it.

I've been contemplating about "happiness" a lot tonight. Especially after hearing a talk about "happiness" at the Catholic camporee I was at.
What brings you happiness? Is it Jesus, or is it other? (Other meaning "things"...music.. video games...etc.) For me, it's Jesus. The man that once walked this same earth that we do now. Yes, Jesus! Who suffered, died, and was buried., then rose again on the third day. He's the one who I can pray to, and He'll listen. He's the one who I'll cry to, and he'll say it'll be okay. After all he has done for us...shouldn't He be first in our lives? Not second, not third, first! I think He should be. If you truly want him to be number one in your lives, you want a true relationship with the Lord. It takes work, but it pays off. It's not like "I want to be happy. I guess I'll just say God you are number one." No, it doesn't work like that.Not only your body, but your soul, needs to be healthy. Your soul needs to be fulfilled! It will be weak, and you won't be able to fight the devil's temptations. You'll lose, and you'll step further away from Christ. And if you keep giving into the devil, you become weaker, not stronger. Your life will be messed up. But if you do things.. Like pray every day, read the bible, study your faith, go to church, your soul will feel stronger! And you'll be able to fight those battles! You may lose sometimes, but it's okay. We all do! No one is perfect. :) But if you do all those good things, you'll feel great. And let that greatness shine through you, so people question you......
You know what...I was just thinking...about those who don't believe in Christ.And was wondering how they get happiness...Come to find...they don't have happiness. Not true happiness, anyway.I believe there is something missing, but they don't realize it, nor feel that it's missing because they have "happiness" from something else.. I just read about this sort of stuff in "The Screwtape Letters" (a good book --it teaches how the devil works in his sly ways) basically, the devil will pretty much do anything to get your mind off Christ. If you're praying, the devil will remind you that you're hungry and that you should go make a sandwich. If you end up falling for little things like that, you'll mess up more, and end up feeling empty. It's because you are putting Christ on hold. That's not good!Let me quote something from "The Screwtape Letters""The attack has a much better chance of success when the man's whole inner world is drab and cold and empty." The devil will try to tell you that there are other ways to be happy. Suddenly it won't be Christ that makes you happy.It will be other things. I've known some non-believers. The names I shall not utter. But, one does drugs. She’s happy though. The other falls into lust, but he's happy. But they aren't strong. If they were, they probably wouldn’t be doing this kind of stuff. I think that's what’s different from God's happiness, and Satan's happiness.Satan's happiness makes you weak. God's makes you stronger.But Satan wants you to be weak! You fall into temptation easier.So basically, if you want to be strong, and want to fight the temptations of the devil..Work your way up, and become truly happy, and become strong. So that your soul has its armor, shield, and sword. You do want to fight the devil, don’t you? I do.

Feather In The Wind

2008-11-24T11:32:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been obsessed with this one song. It's actually a Christian song called "Feather in the wind". The first part in the song got me thinking. It goes like this: "I'm a feather in the wind, I'm up and then I'm down again". If this is so, then we all must be feathers. Not literally of course. =)What I'm saying is we live our life filled with up's and down's. Our Faith? It's no different! How often do we feel strong, and completely in awe of God's presence because we feel Him? It happens! And when it does, we feel empowered, and great. It's a wonderful high feeling. But, what happens when we hit a dry spot and can't feel God there, or even hear Him? It's like we as feathers decided to finally hit the ground. It's probably the worst feeling in the world. We feel abandoned, alone, and frustrated. Which, is completely stupid, it's like we forget that even though we can't hear God, He's still there. It's like we forget that maybe He's waiting for us to be quiet, so we can listen to Him. Or, maybe He's testing us. He may be testing us to see how well we can trust Him. Why is it so hard to trust God? It's because we fall into the same trap every time. Satan likes to get us by making us feel hopeless. Last time I checked, God was more powerful than Satan. Last time I checked, prayer was used as a weapon to defeat Satan. Do not give Satan the enjoyment of watching you suffer through the feeling of hopelessness. There is always Faith, and through Faith there is strength and hope. The bible says to trust in the Lord, it also says to pray without ceasing. Remember in scripture, how the Disciples were out at sea? They were afraid, and weren't putting their Faith and Trust in God. It's almost comical though, how God reacts. He's like "O ye of little Faith!"
In modern day language: "Dude! Relax! I have everything taken care of." Another thing, we complain that we can't hear God…hmm, I wonder why. Maybe it's because we have forgotten that silence is beautiful. If you're IMing someone/listening to music/ etc do you think God will answer someone that doesn't have full attention on Him? Possibly. But, maybe we can't hear Him with all of the distractions. Those are not the only distractions. Life, is pretty much our distraction. Life is causing us so much noise up in our head, and making us lose focus from God. We just have to know when to turn it off, and give it up to God. Give up our struggles, worries, whatever may be bothering us. And hey, I'm no Saint. I'm still working on this myself. But I have found silence to be the most amazing and beautiful thing there is. Personally, I prefer silence during prayer, confession, and Mass. Coming from the Byzantine rite, I am used to everything being more silent. I'm not used to having bands, and all that. In the Byzantine rite there's always one singer, and no instruments. Silence does something though, it touches you in such a way to the point where you are in awe of God. I recently had a chance to go to a Latin Mass, and you know that feeling you get when something just feels right? It felt like that. Except, that's not all I felt. I felt like I was being hypnotized. I couldn't take my eyes off the beauty that was in front of my eyes. I remember, there were 10 alter boys, they were ALL in sync with each other. They all knelt and stood up at the same time. It was like watching a marching band, except for God. The funny thing? I've been to a Latin Masses before, but It's like it get better every time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, silence puts me in the zone, it gives me a great high point.
How do you're know you're in the zone? You will know. When you're either smiling, or to the point of tears. When your eyes can't focus on anything else BUT Christ on the alter. And when it feels like it's just you and Christ, even in a church filled with 100 people. I'm daring you to enter more silence into your life. Too often we tune out God, and most of the time we probably don't even know it. So, why not change this? I know what you're thinking. "But Layna, what do I do when I'm at an event and there's loud music and stuff?" I have found other ways to "zone out". For example, if I attend Mass at a Jesus Jam, I'll focus on the alter/stare into the crucifix. And I meditate, until I can't hear a thing, except for what's important.
Meditating doesn't have to be a bunch of long prayers, it can be something simple like…"God, help me focus on You." and just say it repeatedly. Maybe that's easier for me because I have a very OCD mind. I get one phrase stuck in my head, and I'm repeating it in my head forever. But, the main thing, in the end you will have forgotten about everything else, and Christ will be the only thing left on your mind. I suppose that's all my thoughts for now.

Other than I find this really funny, I wrote about 2 ½ pages in my journal, and ignored 90% of whatever I wrote in my journal. And still wrote more than expected. When I write, I never stop. Alright, the song that I was talking about, you can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8X4i8YZPlQ&feature=related

God bless...

~Layna