In all honesty, I'm not sure where to begin with this post.
I haven't written a Faith-related post in such a long time.
Why? For the longest time, I've been dealing with a serious case of writer's block. But, I guess that's because I haven't addressed the serious issue behind it. My spirituality; my relationship with God. I've fallen short in this area. And without it, I fall apart in every which way. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually. When darkness rolls in, I can't think clearly, and I no longer can write. Deep within me, I believe God gifted me with the ability to write, and I've used it to my advantage to grow closer to Him. It's unfortunate, but I've allowed everything to fall apart. I've allowed life to get in the way once again. This is nobody's fault, but my own. I'm not going to lie. I miss the days when words flowed from the tips of my fingers and from my lips. When passion filled my soul. Though I've fallen astray, I'm still that person, deep within. I recall a day when I felt alive, when a whole different level of love was created, when I felt peace, and when I discovered myself as a person. I desire nothing more but to feel this once again.
Sometimes they say you have to hit rock bottom before things get better.
For some reason, this is how i've always been in dark periods. I have to hit my lowest point, before I can turn to the cross again. In all honesty, it has taken a song, and certain situation that I wanted to prevent..to wake me up.
The first part of the song goes like this:
"Don't wake me. I've fallen asleep. Don't hate me.
I have no relief. This burden is shredding my soul.
This cycle is out of control.
You call me as Your friend, as I drive these nails again.
I'm falling into You....."
This put my spiritual life into perspective. When we dont take time to be with Him, in the stillness and in the chaos, and when we sin, it breaks His heart. He so adrently desires to be adored. When we turn our backs on Him, we drive the nails into Him again. The result only ends up shredding our soul, leaving us vulnerable. As much as I hate to say it, it seems like it becomes a terrible cycle...to just push God aside. Once we do a little bit, it seems that Satan takes no time to slip through the cracks of our minds. He begins to feed lies, darkness, hopelessness, and you find yourself furthur than ever before. How he loves leading the Faithful astray.
Why does it have to be this way?
Darkness can end when we put an end to it. It doesn't have to stick around.
I seem to have warrior blood in me. I don't give up. And I will fight until I make something right.
I believe God has wanted me since I was young, to be a prayer warrior to defeat evil.
I must pray more. He thirsts for my love, and I thirst for His.
With that being said, I'm stepping out of the dark, and picking up my sword in this battle.
In my soul, I know that He is the source of light, truth, joy, peace, comfort, guidance, and all that I yearn for at this very moment. I wish to immerse myself in His ocean of love.
I want to fall in love all over again.
He's been patiently waiting for me to return, and now I want to come back to Him.
His love is all I want. It's all I need to sustain me.
If you happen to be reading this,
I kindly ask you to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I get my spiritual life back on track...as I know it won't be easy. It is a battle, after all.
Last, but not least, the song that I was talking about:
Mortuum mundo, vivum in Christo.
I received a comment on my last post from someone named Steve...
"It is funny how brighter and brighter people who stand up for what is right become.
I say this in regards to people who 30 years ago said that swearing and porn were bad were kind of run of the mill type of people, average.
But now if you go to your friends and tell them that porn and swearing are bad you are looked upon as strange and kind of weird.
The world has gotten so much dark in the last couple of generations that to stand up for what is right is almost as rare as seeing a shooting star.
But I love how people like you, dave, and patrick (those are the other people who commented on your post) are shedding light into the world and giving the devil a BEATIN!!!!!!!!!!"
Thank you....for reminding me why I love writing.
I do want to be a light in the world.
I do want to fight evil. Indeed, the world is full of darkness. This is why we need people to pick up their swords in this battle between and evil. We need people that aren't afraid to stand up for what's right, what's good, and what's pleasing to our Lord. Though it may not always seem this way, good always triumphs over evil...